Monday, January 25, 2010

“Les Misérables”

Shut up! I love the book and the musical but this movie blows. What is it with boring Les Misérables movies? Is it impossible for someone to make good Victor Hugo’s classic masterpiece? I fear the only way this will happen is if they actually put in the really cool parts of the book and have some of the bi*chin songs from the musical. I used to love Claire Danes. I was way into “My So-Called Life.” But, they should have gotten a different Cosette. While I’m at it! they should have also gotten a different Valjean. Nothing personal to Mr. Liam Neeson but I just picture Valjean differently. Don’t you? Geoffrey Rush is fantastic but, MAN, Javert is a tall skinny fellow! Eh, oh well. Fantine’s casting of Uma Therman was absolutely perfect! The thing that bothered me the most was when Valjean hit Cosette! He would never, ever do that! Also, the movie ended where people like it to end. THAT IS NOT THE ENDING! Ruin the whole book why don’t you? You might as well change everything and make it Disney! Note to those who want to write yet another screenplay of “Les Misérables” they’re in France and should speak with a French accent, (isn’t that always the way?) But do us all a favor and make it incredibly long as long as you put in the good parts! The part where Valjean is almost buried alive! The part where Gavroche brings his “babies” (which are really his brothers) to his hollowed out elephant! The whole Thenardier vs. Marius story line. Not to mention the wedding, Marius’ forgiveness of Valjean, and Valjean’s death! It’s called “The Miserable” for a reason. So why do we leave the theater so freaking satisfied with ourselves learning nothing about Valjean’s desperate yearning to live a life of joy when it’s simply impossible for him to do. Don’t give us a happy ending when the master, Victor Hugo, gave us a miserable one. Beautiful misery applies to my most sensitive art passions.

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