Monday, October 31, 2011

The Best Halloween Movies

We all know which Halloween movie (takes place on Halloween) is going to win, because it's awesome, but here are some others anyway.

This movie is very meh. Nobodies favorite scary movie is Halloween. I mean, come on.

Hocus Pocus
One of the cheesiest movies ever created, this movie follows a boy who has trouble fitting in at school, (the kids make fun of him because he's from California.... Yeah, surfer guys are lame.... o_0) He and his sister get all mixed up with some witches that have accidentally woken up from a very long nap, which was probably brought on by watching this movie.

Sleepy Hallow
Disney's The Legend of Sleepy Hallow, and Washington Irvine's short story, both take place on Halloween, so we're going to call both of these movies Halloween movies. Sleepy Hallow is a movie LOOSELY BASED on the short story, while the Disney version is a whole heck-of-a-lot like the short story. If you're going for accuracy, and if you like being completely creeped-out by cartoons, then watch the Disney short. If you're into beautiful creepy movies with more head-chopping action than you can shake a bag full of heads at, then watch Sleepy Hallow.

And finally, the winner -
The Nightmare Before Christmas
This movie starts on Halloween and ends on Christmas, so it can be categorized as either a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie. This works great for us Nightmare fans that love both holidays. We so relate, Jack.

Puss in Boots

Not as funny as the preview, or as Shrek, but very cute. It started a bit slow, but it was super cute. And you know you're going to see anything with Antonio Banderas in it. I'm a little surprised you haven't seen it yet, honestly.

Puss and "friends" embark on a journey to steal some magic beans to eventually steal the golden goose from the giant in the sky and pay back a town Puss in Boots accidentally betrayed. The movie is full of cute talking cats, and nursery rhymes.... What more do you want?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Newest 3 Musketeers

Why do they call them 3 Musketeers when there are only two ingredients - chocolate coating and fluffy center? I just don't get it.

But, oddly enough, that question has nothing to do with the plot of the latest The Three Musketeers. The last time this Dumas-novel-turned-movie was attempted it was by Disney, came with an uber-cheesy "All for One" theme song which is regrettably stuck in my head, a man who we would one day know as Jack Bauer, and Chris O'Donnell. This movie seems to be attempted at least once a decade, yet another Dumas classic, The Count of Monte Cristo, is a better story, and a better dessert, yet is rarely moviefied. What gives?

This time the movie was made by Summit (who also made Twilight,) and instead of Chris O'Donnell as our young hero, we have Percy Jackson, (I would appreciate it if Logan Lerman replaced Shia Labeouf in absolutely everything.) Instead of the Countess D'Winter played by Rebecca De Mornay, we get Milla Jovovich. (While she does a horrendous job acting in this movie, we still love her.) And because no one will ever hire Charlie Sheen ever again, he's not in the movie and in his place as Aramis, we have Luke Evans who looks like Orlando Bloom, and will be in The Hobbit. You might also recognize him from the regrettable Clash of the Titans. He played Apollo. But don't be too upset, Orlando Bloom is actually in it. Although, maybe you should stay upset, he does a really crappy job. Orlando Bloom does not make a good villain. Who's idea was that?

I thought all the business with the King and Queen was really sweet, and I found myself amazed that I cared about the characters, something I didn't realize until D'Artagnan was fighting the dude from Casino Royal, (you know, the one who cried blood.)

Anyway, some of the cast was good, some of the cast was dreadful, the plot was succinct and action driven, there were real relationships in danger, and all in all, while it was terrible, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Yes. I had a good time. I actually might go as far as to say I recommend it. It was a terrible, and fun, movie.

It kept all the best parts of the 1993 version and improved upon them for the most part. It was naturally full of cheese-ball lines and crappy dialog, but it's a THREE MUSKETEER MOVIE! What do you expect?

If only they could make a 3 Musketeer movie without EVER saying "All for one and one for all."

My biggest problem was the ships landing on top of Notre Dame cathedral. You know they only did that so D'Artagnan could fight on the roof. It really bothered me though. I had to cover my eyes. If you want to fight on the roof of Notre Dame, don't film a Dumas novel; film a Hugo novel.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My 2 Least Favorite Things Hit Broadway

Crappy musicals (I counted, there are a total of 15 musicals that I enjoy,) and prequels.

Disney commissioned a Peter-Pan prequel to hit up Broadway someday soon, according to Yahoo News (my third least favorite thing.) 

I mean, I really hate prequels, and place the blame entirely upon Lucas for their mere existence and recent popularity. Let's look at a list of prequels, and try our best to find ONE we like.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
If you look at the dates on the bottom of the screen, you may notice that Temple of Doom happens BEFORE Raiders of the Lost Arc. There doesn't seem to be a POINT to having the movie be a prequel, but what are you gonna do? We certainly can agree that Temple of Doom is the worst or second to worst Indiana Jones movie. 

Episodes I, II, and II
I don't think any of us want to get into how much these movies suck. Oddly enough, I have an obvious favorite. Yes! Episode II is my favorite horrible Star Wars prequel.

I'll note here, that I'm not counting Batman Begins or anything like that as a prequel. It's the first in a series, it's not going off of ANYTHING that had to do with the Tim Burton films of the 90's... it's not a prequel!

X-Men: First Class
Full of cheesy one-liners and underwear scenes; I already complained about this movie.

X-Men Beginnings: Wolverine
It was dull at times, and completely un-rewatchable, but it didn't make me want to burn down the theater after watching it.

Some consider the 2006 Casino Royale a prequel.... I think it's a reboot, but it certainly is closer to a prequel than Batman Begins. If I did consider this a prequel, it would be the greatest prequel ever. You would think that a James Bond prequel would have a million cheesy Bond jokes, "Get it!?! GET IT!?!?!?!" But it didn't. It had a FEW, but they, like Daniel Craig, were awesome.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Surprise!! If you weren't around in 1966, you might not have known that The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly came out AFTER A Fist Full of Dollars and For a Few Dollars More. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is my favorite western, naturally. The acting is fantastic. There's nothing like a good man-man movie.

Red Dragon
Prequel to Silence of the Lambs. This movie was way better than its sequel friend Hannibal. NEVER see Hannibal. Just don't do it!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I can't think of any others right now. I invite you to complain about prequels you hate.

Monday, October 10, 2011

One of my Mom's Favorite Movies

Groundhog Day

Have you seen this movie? You need to. It's brilliant. It's funny. It's sheer genius. Go see it. Netflix it right now. Pronto.

Don't worry, my blog will still be here when you get back.

Well, anyway, if you can believe it, this movie came out in 1993. It stars Andie MacDowell and Bill Murray, and was written and directed by Ghostbusters co-star Harold Ramis (Egon,) who consequently wrote Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Stripes, Bedazzled, Analyze That, Year One, etc. as well.

Phil, (Murray,) is a grumpy weather man who goes to a small town on Groundhog Day. He ends up re-living the day over and over, just like Buffy, Xena and Molder did.

My mom has good tastes in movies. For a complete list of my mom's favorite movies, click here. (Okay, those aren't technically MY mom's favorite movies, but what are you gonna do?)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Help

I know you're wondering if I've read the book, well, I haven't, and this movie didn't inspire me to pick up a copy. It's not a bad film, it's just.... well, I was hoping for something hilarious. The preview was full of jokes, however, those were the only jokes in the film. The movie itself was actually very serious. 

I adore the cast. One of my favorite characters was Celia Foote (Jessica Chastain,) even though she's your typical "prostitute with a heart of gold" the stock-character that we've been sick of since Gone with the Wind, High Noon, and Stage Coach. (Okay, technically she's not a prostitute, but it's the same character role.) I found her hilarious and charming. 

I also appreciate the realism of the movie. Just because the book was sold, doesn't mean things suddenly changed for everyone. I also liked that the movie ended not with Skeeter, but with Aibileen.

Does anyone else think it's weird that Amy Adams wasn't in it?

Somebody Kidnapped Jacob!!!

The first time I saw a poster for Abducted, I had to laugh. Is it not every teenage girl's dream to abduct Taylor Lautner?

Well, now I'm thinking a movie about a crazy fan stealing the guy who plays Jacob would have been a much better waste of my money. At least it might have been written better. This was one of the poorest written movies I've ever seen.

It should have just embraced that it was similar to The Bourne Identity, and just copied the movie word-for-word.

In short, this movie was very boring. I almost fell asleep. In fact, I would have, but I wanted to blog about it. Stupid blog.