Tuesday, July 24, 2012


This post is dedicated to the cannonists of America.

You know who you are! You go watch an awesome movie but cannot enjoy it because it strays from the cannonized version. "That's not what happens in the comic book!" you scream at the screen. You shy away from Twilight because "Vampire's don't sparkle! And they're not nice!" You say things like, "In REAL life...." as if super heroes, vampires, and Sith Lords actually exist in the real world.

Take a day off, cannonists! Take a big breath! Relax and enjoy a movie every now and then! I know it's fun to know the "real" stories, and what the "real" characters are like, but stories change, legends change, and change is okay. You don't have to worry that, "these idiots don't understand! They don't appreciate the original! These idiots suck!" because these idiots do suck, but caring that these idiots suck is idiotic and time wasting. Find the good in the change, and remember the original, and cannonized, for what they were: awesome.

FYI, vampires change consistently in each and every legend. So which legend are you basing your cannon on? It's hard to find an original vampire, since they originated from things that were not called vampires, and even those changed with each author. But that's besides the point. This post is not about Twilight. For a post about Twilight and it's haters, see THIS.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises

Don't read a blog about this movie; go and see it instead.

Okay, fine. Read a blog about it.

So, I know I talk a lot of crap about Anne Hathaway, but in this movie I not only didn't mind her... I kind of liked her. Now, I still don't want her playing Fantine, but she can continue to be in movies as long as her whining days are at an end, and her kicking butt days resume.

I heard a lot of flack about Tom Hardy's Bane voice. It was an unusual pick, but who the heck cares? It's about time Bane gets more respect than the comedic role he had in the DREADFUL Batman and Robin... though, honestly, he was the best part of that movie. "Bomb... Bomb... Bomb...." Hilarious.

There are things I predicted, but there are things I didn't. And if there wasn't a little bit of predictability, it would be one of those movies that's all over the place... and we can't have that, can we.

I was pleased that Scarecrow made it in to all three movies. If you didn't recognize him you should hang your head in shame. You call yourself a Batman fan?

I was also pleased there was no mention of the Joker. It seemed respectful. Plus, it had been 8 years since his arrest; we can probably safely assume the lack of Joker was due to capital punishment, yet tastefully, we needn't speak of the Joker's death.

You gotta love a movie about hope AND revenge. You gotta!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Wrath of the Titans

I know I'm a little late to the game on this one, but can you blame me?

Way back in the day, Sam Raimi created a movie: Evil Dead. Later, he decided to write a sequel, Evil Dead II; problem was, the sequel wasn't your usual sequel, but an improvement upon the exact same movie previously made. You don't hear anyone complaining, because Evil Dead has it's moments, ("We can't kill Sheila. She's our friend.") and because Evil Dead II is one of the greatest movies of all time, (and that's without mentioning the awesomeness of the third movie.)

The point is, if you're going to remake a movie that's already been made, (The Amazing Spider-man, pay attention!) you've GOT to improve upon it!

I bring this up, again, because Clash of the Titans was, in fact, Hercules. It wasn't "exactly" the same as Disney's Hercules, naturally, it's not a scene-by-scene remake like Psycho, there's no singing, but plot wise, and climax wise, and story wise... it's the same movie... heavily influenced by the Percy Jackson books.

Perseus doesn't want to fight anymore, (ala Gladiator, Braveheart, and every other movie,) but after he has a vision of Chronos (Zeus's dad/Perseus's pop-pop,) killing his son, (who's mother died apparently, although I thought she was immortal thanks to a curse... whatevs.) he decides to fight. (SHOCKING!) But he never wants his son to fight, (guess who's gonna change his mind by the end? Just guess!) Anyway, he joins forces with Andromeda, (would-be sacrifice from the last film,) and the son of Poseidon (a new character who's similar, but not as funny as Beni,) and he begins searching for ways to break into Tartarus, free Zeus from Hades (very Hercules!) and the back-stabbing Ares, (very Percy Jackson!) and stop Chronos from getting free, (very everything.) It's all very predictable... because we've seen the movie before.

The movie was slow, although, at times, somehow entertaining.

I really love Bubo cameos. They crack me up. Apparently you can get your own Bubo now. But don't do it!!! Oh how you'll regret it!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Amazing Movie I've Already Seen

The Amazing Spider-Man had a terrific cast, a very interesting villain, and a story and plot that I've seen done before, (in the first Spider-Man movie,) and the first time was a lot better. If you're going to repeat something, be sure to build upon it, and improve it. The only difference between this Spider-Man, and the FANTASTIC Spider-Man of Sam Raimi's design, is it's darker, (probably to compete with the ferociously powerful Dark Knight series,) it's less funny, and it's lacking a cameo by Bruce Campbell. Sam Raimi's first two Spider-Man movies had everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Granted, I would trade Kirsten Dunst for Emma Stone any day, and the Lizard is a terrifying villain compared to the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" singing Green Goblin, but the fact remains, The Amazing Spider-Man, started off slowly, was filled with filler, and it poorly repeated a movie we saw before, and loved before. This new Spider-Man aught to have just picked up in the middle of Spider-Man's life somewhere, rather like Superman Returns, (although that movie was awful!) When Christopher Nolan gave Batman a makeover, he started from the beginning, but no other Batman movie had ever started from the beginning, and the previous Batman's were astronomically different than the one in Christopher Nolan's vision. The closest thing we had to this new Batman, was the animated series of the 90's, and even that wasn't nearly as insane as what Nolan's supplied us with.

In short, the movie was all right, the acting was fantastic, but we just didn't need this movie. It made me want to watch the other two, (but nothing will ever make me want to watch Spider-Man III again. That movie was torture.)