Monday, June 27, 2011

The Host

So you've been wishing for another Stephenie Meyer book to be turned into a movie, huh? Well, I guess your wish is about to come true.

Wait. What's that you say? You haven't been wishing for a non-vampire Stephenie Meyer book to be made into a movie? You've read The Host and you found all the cave dwelling boring and thought the love triangle wasn't nearly as interesting as the one between a vampire, werewolf and human? Well, you should have said something to Hollywood, 'cause they think audiences WANT to see The Host turned into a movie. claims the actress who will portray Melanie Stryder is non other than Saoirse Ronan, who you might recognize from Peter Jackson's snore-tacular acid trip, The Lovely Bones, (who actually looks more like she belongs in The Hunger Games. I mean, she looks like she's starving.)

For those who haven't read The Host, it's kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but from "the host's" point of view. It's an interesting take, but a very dry book. Perhaps we'll all be pleasantly surprised that the movie version of the snore-fest is actually well done and entertaining like we were for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I... but I somehow highly doubt it. I guess we'll wait and see.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Wonder That is Ginny Weasley

Everyone's talking about Pottermore, so I'm going to talk about Ginny Weasley.

While reading the series I thought, "Wait, wait, wait, when did Ginny go from the shy girl who'd hide every time she saw Harry to this kick-hand Quidditch player, bat-boogey hexer, and popular boy-magnet/love of Harry's life?"

In the later books she seems to be Lilly Potter re-born. When does this happen? It's magic.

And another thing, why do the movies make Ginny look so plain? Bonnie Wright is not that plain.
I have proof. -->

Maybe it's her acting. Every time there's a love scene between her and Harry, I want to excuse myself just so I don't have to be SO UNCOMFORTABLE and AWKWARD!

Won't somebody please help us!? Anybody!? Oh the awkwardness!!!!

OK - Here's an edit. I agree with Jamie in the comments; the magazine cover is not that great of a photo to show you what I mean, because she's obviously very made-up. Here's another photo of her where she's not so made-up, and she's not so plain-Jane either.

Not convinced??? Here's some more.

So why are all of those pictures gorgeous, yet in the movie she's just awkward-sauce?

UPDATE: No. I'll have to make another post for this update. See this.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

It's Time For My Favorite Movie Game!!!! **Applause**

Is it 6 Degrees to Kevin Bacon? No. Although that's a good one.

Is it Guess the Name of the Movie the Preview is for? Close.


Who'd Play Bella Better? **Applause**

Tonight's contestants -

Contestant number one is an obnoxiously beautiful Brit who's both more charming and more talented (you have to give her that) than Kristen Stewart. I give you... Keira Knightly! Biggest draw backs - she's very well known. Perhaps they wanted Bella to be a little more unknown (and cheaper.) Also, she's 26, while Kristen Stewart is more "age appropriate." But since when did Hollywood start caring about that?

Contestant number two is a bright new extremely talented actress who brought Tron up from "dreadful" to "watchable." I give you... Olivia Wilde! Sure, she was born 6 years before Kristen Stewart, but are we really going to let that bother us? Really? During the casting of Twilight she was more affordable than Keira Knightly, and was probably even more affordable than Kristen Stewart.... Which is just sad. (Look for her in the up coming Cowboys and Aliens, along with Harrison Ford and our favorite Bond.)

So what does Kristen Stewart have going for her? Well, I'll give her one thing, she certainly has the "girl next door" look down. (Shut up, I mean that in a nice way!)

So here's the part where you give me more contestants and I put them up. Ready.... go.

Friday, June 17, 2011

How excited are we?


Green Lantern

If your first thought is, "Why isn't Ryan Reynolds black?" then you're not alone. When The Green Lantern first hit comic book shelves in 1940, his secret identity was Alan Scott. In 1959 The Green Lantern was recreated and this time the alias was test pilot Hal Jordan (played by Ryan Reynolds in the film.) Other alias's wore the ring including, John Stewart, Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner. The film's Green Lantern isn't black probably because he's not John Stewart, (the Green Lantern of the recent animated TV show, The Justice League.) But just between you and me, I prefer a black Green Lantern and I'll tell you why, I watched a documentary about DC comic books, (mostly for the Batman bits,) which explained that The Justice League chose to choose a black Green Lantern due to the fact that the first Green Lantern was a bit racist, and this would help make up for that, or at least offer an apology. I also knew a guy once who was so proud to have a black superhero, and now they have kind of taken that away from him. At least there's still Storm, the movie version of Nick Fury, and Blade, and a few others.

Anyway, now we know why Ryan Reynolds is so gosh-darn white.

I was deranged throughout the first half of the movie trying to place the actor playing Sinestro. Then it clicked; that purple faced mustache man is Mark Strong, from Sherlock Holmes and Stardust! (Spoiler! If "Sinestro" sounds like a villain's name, not a good-guy's name, it's because later he becomes the Green Lantern's arch-nemsesis.

But this movie is just another awesome example of why 3D is destroying the world. The movie sported excellent costumes and ridiculous effects that were amazing enough. But while the film was fun, it gave us shadows of what should have been character development, while punching us in the face with talk about "will vs fear." It's enough to make one stand up and shout, "Enough already!" (Not that I did. But if I had a ring like that I'd have used it to make the Green Lanterns shut their core-holes.)

When all's said and done, it's a decent film, but not as nearly enjoyable as Thor. I'd put it in the box with The Hulk. Oh, don't go saying I'm racist against green superheroes, although... The Green Hornet doesn't even get a box.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

So Bad It's Good?

You know the movies that suck so hard that they're awesome? I'm sure you do. Here's a few -

Perhaps the greatest anti-smoking movie since The Insider, XXX stars Vin Diessel, and Samuel L. Jackson. Vin Diessel's character, Xander Cage, could have been borrowed from Mortal Kombat, (one of the first awesomely terrible movies.) Xander Cage goes around saying awesomely stupid things like, "Welcome to the Xander Zone," and for this alone, we love this movie, but this movie is full of terrific terribleness.

The Transporter II (I strongly recommend this one over the other Transporters.)
One of my favorite wretched movies, this movie brings new meaning to the phrase, "sexism." Yet it's so obvious and ridiculous that it adds to the delightful dump that is this movie. Jason Statham plays... wait for it... the transporter, Frank, who drives like a crazy genius, and fights like Jackie Chan. (Ahh, the days before shakey cam.)

The Scorpion King
Prequel to The Mummy, this movie stars The Rock and follows the exact same story line as The Prince of Persia, (except The Scorpion King came first.)

Deep Blue Sea  (Click here for the - Best Part.)
This movie, starring Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, and Thomas Jane (Lindsay F√ľnke: "Can I buy you a drink?" Thomas Jane: "Thanks, but no. I'm Thomas Jane.") is ridiculous. Scientifically mutated "smart sharks" lay siege to their underwater facility, much to our enjoyment.

Mortal Kombat
Remember when Robin Shou was in everything? Remember when Bridgette Wilson was in everything? This movie is brilliant, from the one liners, to the impending doom... love it.

Anaconda II: Anacondas the Hunt for the Blood Orchid
This movie is Star Wars, but instead of droids and the Force, you get a lot of yelling and giant snakes.

I might add more later.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Tim Burton

An auteur is a director/producer/writer/etc who demonstrates a strong style in all his/her works. Examples of such being Alfred Hitchcock who always directed movies of suspense and mystery; M. Night Shyamalan demonstrates a variety of films with psychological twists and fantastical events, and Tim Burton always delivers movies that are dark and severely artistic.

Vincent (director/1982)

   An animated short narrated by Vincent Price about a boy who in today's world might be called "gothic." This short is a charming foreshadow of things to come. 

Frankenweenie (director/1984)
   Tells a tale of a frankenstine-ish dog. I don't remember much about it. I can tell you that in 2012 we can expect a longer version.

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (director/1985)
   In my first screen writing class I picked this movie apart scene by scene, sequence by sequence. It's a perfect model of what a movie needs and should be... and it's funny.

Beetlejuice (director/1988)
   With Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, and Winona Rider starring... I just don't care for it. (I've discovered I only like Michael Keaton in Much Ado About Nothing.)

Batman (director/1989)
   Starring Michael Keaton, Kim Basinger, and Jack Nicholson. Thankfully this movie stays away from the dreaded Robin, but it's all over the place.

Edward Scissorhands (director/producer/1990)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Vincent Price, Diane Wiest and Winona Rider. This film was a cult hit until Pirates of the Caribbean came out and suddenly liking Johnny Depp was popular. Now it's just a hit and people come out of the woodwork declaring, "I've always liked Edward Scissorhands." Yeah, okay. We true fans know who we are.

Batman Returns (director/producer/1992)
   Starring Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny DeVito and Christopher Walken. This movie is also all over the place, we hate Michael Keaton as Batman (it just doesn't make any sense!) yet Tim Butson's style is so much fun we can't help but love it, despite the Penguin. No offence Danny DeVito, but we hate the Penguin, (and not just in this movie.)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (producer/1993)
   What is there to say? This may be Danny Elfman's greatest achievement musically. The score is brilliant. This is one of those movies that you watch and think, "This is amazing. AMAZING!"

Batman Forever (producer/1995)
   Starring Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman and Chris O'Donnell (and Drew Barrymore.) Despite the appearance of the dreaded Robin, and the worst roll Tommy Lee Jones ever accepted, I enjoy this movie. Would I have liked it if they told the entire story of Two-Face like the animated series did? Yes, but we're pretty satisfied with the animated series version as it is. Out of this series (Batman through the dreaded Batman and Robin) this one is my favorite. In the 60's TV show the Riddler was my favorite villain, he was everything the Joker should have been. And Jim Carrey's Riddler was so much fun that they built a ride at Magic Mountain about it. (But between you and me, the ride is too long and makes me black out.) Is it a "good" movie, no. But it's a guilty pleasure of mine.

James and the Giant Peach (producer/1996)
   I was the mother in James and the Giant Peach in my fourth grade play, and I didn't think much of the play back then... and now I don't think much about it either. Danny Elfman's music wasn't up to pare either.

Mars Attacks! (producer/1996)
   I found this movie a little funny, and a lot dull.

Sleepy Hollow (director/1999)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire's Rita Skeeter,) and Christopher Walken as the Hessian Horseman (AKA, the Headless Horseman when he has his head on,) with Ray Park (Star Wars: The Phantom Menance's Darth Maul, GI Joe's Snake Eyes, and X-Men's Toad) as the Headless Horseman. This movie takes a lot of liberties from Washington Irvine's short story, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but we absolutely adore it anyway. (For a closer following of the short story see Disney.)

Planet of the Apes (director/2001)
   Starring Mark Wahlberg, Paul Giamatti, Michael Clark Duncan, and (our favorite actress/Tim Burton's wife) Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter's Bellatrix Lestrange, Fight Club's Marla Singer, Alice in Wonderland's Red Queen.) Everyone thought that Estella Warren (the human) was going to be huge after this... everyone was dead wrong.

Big Fish (director/2003)
   Starring Ewan McGregor. My aunt's brother-in-law, George the Giant, is also in this movie, (he's the tall one.) This movie was okay.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (director/2005)
   Apparently this is more like the book than Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory of 1971 starring Gene Wilder. However, the two simply cannot be compared. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's music was regrettably not Danny Elfman's best, and the lyrics were drowned due to the incomprehensible delivery of the oompa loompa. Johnny Depp's Willie Wonka was wonderful. I loved his flashbacks (featuring his dentist father, Christopher Lee.) Johnny Depp was vulnerable and completely childlike, making the character completely incomparable to Gene Wilder's snappish and wild Willie Wonka. (Each and are brilliantly done.)

Corpse Bride (producer/2005)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Emily Watson (Red Dragon.) The music is again lacking, and the story is a bit all over the place, but we enjoy it enough.

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (director/2007)
   Starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Regrettably I haven't seen this Broadway musical turn turned movie, but we can thank it for it's place in a tiny genre we like to call Horror Musical. (How many can you name? Hint, Tim Burton gives us two besides this one.)

9 (producer/2009)
   I saw this movie but I barely remember it... is that a good sign?

Alice in Wonderland (director/2010)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, the boring Mia Wasikowska, the dreaded Anne Hathaway, Crispin Glover (Back to the Future's George McFly,) Michael Sheen (Twilight's Aro,) Alan Rickman (you should know who this is,) Timothy Spall (Harry Potter's Wormtail,) with an adorable performance by Matt Lucas who plays Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. The huge problem with this movie is the script. It takes beloved parts of the book/wonderful-Disney-version and wears them out. Some of my favorite quotes from the animated Disney version are now completely worn thin by the overuse of them in this movie. (But alas, I've already vented about this.)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Boonie's Top 20

In NO particular order -

1. Gone with the Wind
2. Fight Club
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. The Nightmare Before Christmas
5. About a Boy
6. Moulin Rouge
7. Gladiator
8. The Village
9. The Dark Knight/Batman Begins
10. Mean Girls
11. Lord of the Rings
12. Star Wars (not including dreaded prequels, naturally)
13. Indiana Jones
14. Spiderman (not including 3)
15. Beauty and the Beast
16. The Emperor's New Groove
17. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
18. Evil Dead/Army of Darkness
19. The Mummy (only the 1st one)
20. Pirates of the Caribbean (only the 1st one)

If I made a list of all the ones I like that didn't make the list... it would go on forever.

I encourage you to make your own list.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Spoilers and the 10 Day Rule

Would you be angry at me if I told you that Snape kills Dumbledore?

Would you ring my neck if I told you that Darth Vader is Luke's father?

Would you wail and gnash your teeth if I told you that Jacob falls in love with the vampire-ish spawn of Bella and Edward?

No. You wouldn't, because you already know, and those of you that don't know could care less about spoilers because you aren't hard-core fans (also known as "believers.") See, the believers knew Snape killed Dumbledore within 10 days after Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince hit shelves.The believers knew Darth Vader was Luke's Father within 10 days after The Empire Strikes Back premiered. The

believers also knew that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee within 10 days after Breaking Dawn arrived.

Therefore, Stephanie (not Stephenie) and I came up with the Ten Day Rule, which states that 10 days after the release of a movie, book, TV show, and what have you, you are allowed to discuss the plot twists and story lines freely, without any regard whatsoever to those who do not want their fly-by-night interests spoiled.

In other words, please excuse my lack of spoiler alerts.

Friday, June 10, 2011

What's That? You Want Another Harry Potter Vent? Well, Okay....

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (book 5,) nobody believes that Harry is telling the truth about the death of Cedric Diggory.

However, on the other hand it's factual knowledge that in Goblet of Fire (book 4,) Barty Crouch Jr. impersonated Mad-Eye Moody and turned the Triwizard Cup into a Portkey. And it's common knowledge that Barty Crouch Jr. is a convicted Death Eater who was thought to have died in Azkaban years before.

Don't these idiots see that if Barty Crouch Jr. impersonated Mad-Eye and attacked Harry it must therefore mean that Harry is telling the truth?

However, then I realized, after coming to this realization, than many times in government people ignore the obvious facts. Logic is funny that way; it can be completely ignored.

(Incidentally, Barty is my favorite Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4 character to play because, unlike my third favorite [Sirius,] he can use Dark Magic. [-Second favorite being Lucius Malfoy who is fabulous and can also use Dark Magic.])

Okay, my next post might not be about Harry Potter. We'll just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

+ is often used to replace "AND," not "plus."

A woman in my class last semester who shall remain nameless, (since I can't remember her name,) told my entire class that the "Claire Danes' Romeo and Juliet is actually pronounced 'Romeo Plus Juliet.'" We must assume that she thinks because it's written "Romeo + Juliet," it must read "Plus." Yet... rarely in the English world does +=Plus. In MATH, sure, it's a "plus" sign, but in ENGLISH, it's an "and" sign.

Don't be fooled, as my class was, my friends. (Not that you would be.) Some of us remember the previews and commercials for Romeo + Juliet, and we would have remembered if they had ever said "Plus." I mean, come on!

It's a life-long goal of mine to not correct people who mis-quote movies, or mis-represent movies. (It's a huge pet-peeve of mine when it happens, but a huge pet-peeve of those around me when I correct them.) So, I didn't correct her... and the knowledge of this fact is driving me insane, so I had to put it here.

As if Baz Luhrmann wanted to set his Romeo and Juliet apart from others, or something. He uses Shakespeare's words! To change the name would be to plagiarize, (though, it's not like there's a copyright on Shakespeare.)

I know, what you're thinking. "What's in a name?"
Ha.... Ha.... Ha.....

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Harry Potter Quandaries

If you follow me on Twitter, shut up. I'm posting it here too.

I'm rereading all the Harry Potters before the last one comes out. I used to read them frequently but after the seventh, and most horrible, I completely lost interest. However, the first half of the seventh movie actually wasn't so bad, so... idk, I'm reading them again.

So, reading them back to back answers a lot of questions, but I find myself asking more questions as well. Aaaaaaaaaand here they are -

In Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (book 4) - Why doesn't Dumbledore grab hold of the Triwizard Cup/Portkey, travel to the graveyard, and kick Voldemort's butt the second Harry gets back?

And also if the Dark Mark appears on Death Eater's arms, why doesn't the ministry insist everyone wear short sleeves? Or at least LOOK there! It's true that sometimes the Dark Marks are not visible, but insisting all wizards wear short sleeves would solve this little problem! "Uh, Mr. Fudge, Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater." "How do you know?" "Because he has a tattoo of the DARK MARK on his ARM! Doi!"

And really, why isn't veritaserum (truth potion) used constantly!? (Every time they mention it I think of Wonder Woman.) Sure, veritaserum might be unethical, but are we worried about human rights in the face of Lord Voldemort? (And does anyone else think his name sounds more like a puppy than a twisted dark lord? "Who's a good Voldemort?")

And now a quote from 30 Rock's Twofer - "What I don't get about Quidditch, is if the snitch is 150 points, then why do people even bother with the quaffle?" So true, Twofer. So true.

By the way, I found a link to Unicycle Quidditch rules. I bet you could play it with roller blades....
I love the diagram of how to make a quaffle! This would be especially fun for a class that read Harry Potter, unfortunately, I think it's banned in schools for witchcraft. *sigh* Oh brother.

And here's a link to a fun Harry Potter online store. I love that there are "wands" and "toy wands." OMG, nerds!,default,sc.html

And to end, some Potter Puppet Pals -

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Coming in November


I'm not so sure about this two-movie business. But, as long as they don't make a Bree Tanner movie, I'll be fine.

X-Men First Class

1. It's a prequel and what do we say about prequels? They suck. (Naturally there are exceptions.)
2. The girl who'll play Katniss in Hunger Games, (Jennifer Lawrence,) played the lamest Mystique ever. What a helpless child!
3. ENOUGH with the strip clubs already! Is this X-Men or Transporter II? (Not that Transporter II isn't the greatest movie ever.)
4. Remember that scene in the first X-men, where young Erik is trying to get to his mom in the concentration camp, and he pulls the gate towards him? Well, we get to see that scene again, but re-shot. And... it's a whole lot worse this time. The acting is worse. The cinematography is worse.... And I sat there and thought, "Oh, this is not a good sign." (To be fair, I thought the PREVIEWS were not good signs, so maybe my displeasure with the movie is my own little self-fulfilled prophesy....)

5. I just don't like James McAvoy (Xavier.) I got very sick of him holding his finger up to his forehead every time he was using his powers. ("Dooouuuhhhh, uhh, thanks. I couldn't have figured out that you weren't actually speaking out loud just then.") I thought Xavier should have been like a young Dumbledore, in a way. (The book Dumbledore, not the scary movie one.) Very smart, all knowing, wise, yet with a witty-cool sense of humor. From McAvoy's performance I was left thinking he stuck his nose where it didn't belong and was kind of mean. Poor blue Mystique.
6. January Jones' Emma Frost was borderline unbearable. The meaning of her lines got swept away due to her inaptitude when it came to communicating (which is just another word for ACTING.)
7. Prequel humor. "Oh! That's funny because he's going to be a professor soon!" "Oh that's funny because he's going to be bald." "Oh get it! 'Cause that's what Mystique will look like when she's older!" (I admit, I laughed at Wolverine's cameo, but strictly because this movie was in dire need of more Hugh Jackman. (Don't make me watch Real Steel instead, 'cause I will!)

1. Michael Fassbender (Erik/Magneto) is awesome.
2. Kevin Bacon! Now I can get him to Rachel McAdams in 2 steps! (Plus, he was fascinating in this.)
3. "Hey Britney, give us a song then!" That's right, our favorite little outcast from About a Boy, (Marcus, aka, Nicholas Hoult,) is back in Beast form. Growing up agrees with our little singer. (And now look how much easier it is to get Kevin Bacon to Hugh Grant and Toni Collette!)

This movie's plot was effortlessly simplistic, so they stuffed it full of fluff. Boonie no like fluff. But, you're an X-Men fan, so you're going to either watch it in the theaters or rent it, which you should do. You should see it. You might even own it, but it's no X2.