Friday, December 27, 2013

The 12 Dates of Christmas/Ephraim's Rescue

So late Christmas night, after seeing The Hobbit, we wanted to watch something. We started watching "Ephraim's Rescue" but then we had to stop it, because of me.

I can barely handle depressing parts of movies, and "Ephraim's Rescue" is all about the rescue of the Martin Hardcart Company. (If you know your Mormon history, you know that these people suffered some desperate times. My husband is a decedent of survivors, in fact.) So the movie reached a point where I just was too emotionally exhausted after watching "The Hobbit" to handle it.

So instead, we turned on the light and fluffy "12 Dates of Christmas." I love Amy Smart. She's not the best actress, but she amuses me. And I didn't even recognize the "Save by the Bell" star until my husband pointed him out. He was delightful!

While this isn't the best Christmas movie ever, (because we all know what IS the best Christmas movie ever,) it was just what I needed.

Amy Smart's step-mother sets her up on a blind date Christmas Eve, but Amy Smart is still stuck on her ex-boyfriend. Does she ruin her chances with the blind date? Well, she repeats the same day 12 times in a row, in hopes that she can make things right, and change herself in the mean time.

It's kind of like "Groundhog's Day." Did you read my "Groundhog's Day" post? If you haven't seen that movie, you really should.

And if you've seen too many depressing or violent movies this holiday season, perhaps try Netflixing something a little less intense, and a little more nonsensical.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

"The Hobbit Part II"
There are things I like about this movie, and things I don't like.
I like that it includes Bard, my favorite character from The Hobbit, pictured here with Legolas.

I like Lost's Kate, as "She-Elf."
I like that it includes my favorite part of the hobbit, barrel dwarfs!
I do not like creepy-elf.
But I'll take creepy-elf over goofy-goblin (see the first Hobbit) any day.
And I like Smaug. He is amazing, but too scary. The last hour and a half of the movie didn't have any down time.

I need down time.

And the movie was far too long. This movie should have been one movie, two at most. Three is ridiculous.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Lone Ranger

Starring "The Social Network"'s Armie Hammer, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham-Carter. "The Lone Ranger" is pretty much "The Mark of Zorro," AND "The Legend of Zorro" combined. (Well, there's a kid in it, so it's kinda like the latter.)

But what's wrong with that? Nothing.

The movie was fun. Johnny Depp was not Jack Sparrow again, (not that there's anything wrong with that either.) And, best of all, Helena Bonham-Carter was in it. She is so fabulous. Not only is her acting incredible, but she's also just so damn interesting. It's as if she's the embodiment of this part of me, a part that I really, really like, like, the coolest part of me. It's like I'm Edward Norton in "Fight Club" and she's my Tyler Durden. It's like that. It's a lot like that.

Well, except I don't need to get beat up in order to sleep at night.... Well, I actually haven't tried it.

Was this a post about "Fight Club?" or "The Lone Ranger?"

It doesn't matter. I'm done.

Okay wait, I'm not done. Helena Bonham-Carter plays the role nearly every Western includes, AKA: The prostitute with a heart of gold. Oh, you don't think your typical Western includes a prostitute with a heart of gold? Well, you're wrong! Maybe try keeping your eyes open at the movies, people! Even "Gone with the Wind" has one!

Okay. Now I'm done.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Red II

Better than the first.

And the first wasn't bad!

And even though our friend Sarah is a complete ditz, she's so lovable that I can't help but to identify with her not as the "helpless woman" but as the "normal person representative."

Although, as far as axing the whole "damsel in distress" thing, they could have done a little bit better, but whatever.

Also, I really like Storm Shadow. Or, um Byung-hun Lee. So much so that I'm thinking of looking up every single movie he's ever been in and watching all of them, (except that first GI Joe again. Although, watching it and fast-forwarding [a term from the past that means to skip,] to all his scenes wouldn't be a bad idea.) Okay, let's see, ah, I see he's almost exactly 10 years older than I am. He gets bonus points for that. I'm so tired of actors being, like, younger than me and crap like that. It's like, come on Jennifer Lawrence. Way to be young. Whatever.

Anyway, near the end my husband kept going, "Why are they doing that?" "What are they doing?" And I kept saying, "I haven't known what was going on since this whole thing started." (I blame the ten month old climbing on us during the entire movie, as to why we couldn't follow the story.) But yet it was still enjoyable, fun, and exactly what I was hoping for. And I love the cast! Seriously, great cast.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

LIVE The Sound of Music

Or should we call it, "The Sound of Trained Professionals Weeping?" No? Perhaps, "The Sound of Julie Andrews Weeping?" No? "The Sound of Boonie Making Fun of It?" Or is that too literal? Well, whatever you want to call it, it's boring.

The acting is boring. The singing is boring. The set is boring. The script was boring. The costumes are boring. The BORING is BORING!

A lot of people on Twitter were getting their tighty-whities in twisty-whisties about how, "You can't compare the live show to the movie." I ask you, if not then what CAN you compare!?! That's like saying, "You can't compare apples to apples!" You absolutely CAN compare movie versions to other versions, whether they be plays, or books, or actual apples. If there's an apple version of The Sound of Music, you better believe I'm gonna compare it to this TV crappy one!

A few Twits suggested other classic musicals pop singers and country stars could botch up. And that was humorous.

As boring as it was, it was nice that NBC did something different. What else are you gonna get excited about? A crap-sap Christmas TV movie on Lifetime?

But now that it's over, someone please give Carrie Underwood a glass of water. Her throat must be KILLING her.

I prefer Brandy's Cinderella, (left.) Oh ya burnt!