Sunday, November 27, 2011

Green Goblin, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, Green Arrow and Greenzo

We all get confused trying to remember which Green superhero/villain is which. We end up figuring it out and then we realize that we've spent too much time thinking about really lame super heroes. So I'll spare you a definition of each one.

Besides, this post isn't about which one is which, (unlike my Aragorn, Aragog, Eragon post.) This one is about which one of these green superheroes really deserves the fore name GREEN.

We'll start with the Spider-man villain The Green Goblin. The first Green Goblin, (Norman Osborn,) was played in the movies by the awesome Willem Dafoe, while the second Green Goblin (Harry Osborn,) was played by my sister's "boyfriend," James Franco. Norman enjoys being rich, trying things out for himself, and blowing things up with jack-o-lantern grenades. However, does OSCORP, Norman's company, ever donate to Green Peace? Is that Goblin-Glider biodegradable? And how many toxins were dumped into the ocean in the making of that strength serum? I don't even want to think about it!

The Green Lantern comes to us from our friends at DC. I know; DC is responsible for a lot of stupid superheroes, but we always forgive them because they give us Batman. So, if you remember my post about The Green Lantern then you might remember that there are oodles of Green Lanterns. Some are tall, some are short, some are aliens, some are Mark Strong. The important thing to remember is that at the end of the movie Hal Jordan saved planet Earth. Now, that's pretty green... even if the movie sucked.

The Green Hornet started as a radio show, then was a film serial, then hit TV waves in the 60's, and then tried to ruin our lives in theaters very recently. His main appeal is that he poses as a villain. Ooooooooooh. Even though we are ENTHRALLED by that concept, the Green Hornet is, sadly, hardly an asset to the environment driving around in the technically brilliant Black Beauty all day. I mean, is Black Beauty a hybrid? It doesn't look like it!!!

Now let's talk about DC's other green clad hero, Green Arrow. (Why they couldn't make one of these guys purple I'll never know!) Green Arrow was really good at something, but I forget what... Oh wait! I know! He was good a shooting arrows!!! That's it! I knew I would think of it! He was really rich. His name was Oliver Queen, (that's right, QUEEN, even though he's not the Purple Arrow,) and he became, like, a regular on Smallville for some reason, around the time I stopped watching that show. Ahem, anyhow, he's like a smash-up of Batman's utility belt and Robin Hood. He has all these arrows that do different things, probably very conveniently. (How much you wanna bet he's got a shark repellent arrow in there somewhere?) To be honest, he's really boring and doing research on him bores me to death, so I'll just say that arrows are made out of wood. They're biodegradable, but how many trees does he have to cut down? I mean... who uses arrows anymore? Larper!

So at last we come to Greenzo, and you may not even know who he is. He's relatively new. He appears in an episode of 30 Rock. He's played by Friends's David Schwimmer. Greenzo was created to spread the word about green this and green that. He started out as a desperate actor named Jared, who agreed to go on NBC talk shows and talk about the earth. Jared started out pretty right-wing, but quickly became obsessed with the power his alter-ego, Greenzo, possessed. He became consumed by Greenzo and completely detached himself from his true identity. He became mean and hurtful, and worst of all PREACHY! While he shared a very green message to millions, he also gave the earth a bad name by representing it with mean harshness.

Who was the most green? I'll leave it for you to decide.

Thanks, Steph.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Muppets

More for 30-50 year olds who grew up watching The Great Muppet Caper over and over, and less for the 5 year olds of now. However, let's face it, 5 year olds will love anything.

Kermit tries to bring back his has-been act... which is kind of reflective of reality... too reflective in fact. It made me a little sad, until I realized I didn't really care and that if I wanted to see a Muppet movie, I know where to find one or two. It's not like the world is in dire need of another Muppet movie....

However, as a Muppet fan, I dragged my husband to see this movie. He LOVED it. He laughed so hard. It was a very funny, charming, and at times ridiculous movie. Take your spouse, take your kids, and take your parents and your neighbors and go see this movie.

I enjoyed the references to the other Muppet movies. That's something other Muppet movies never did, and it was kind of a fun addition... which is weird 'cause I usually hate when movies do that.

Jack Black was hilarious. And Gonzo and his chickens are awesome as always. Animal will never stop cracking me up. 80's Robot was totally gnarly. It's always nice to see the Muppets, even if they get a little dull sometimes, (Christmas Carol and Treasure Island, I'm looking at you.)

Now's the part where you rate your favorite Muppet movies. Ready? GO!

Best Thanksgiving Movies

Since I did a post about the best Halloween movies it's only fair that I do one for the best Thanksgiving movies too....


What Thanksgiving movies are out there...?

When are they going to remake Love Actually for the 90,000,000th time? THIS TIME it'll be different because it's on a different Holiday, and a few of the actors have changed!!! I even already have a title! It's called... wait for it... THANKSGIVING!

Anyway, I'm sick of hearing everyone complain about how it's "Christmas already!?!" and how Thanksgiving never gets its day. However, no one seems to care that there's a huge lack of Thanksgiving related movies... you know, if you don't count Pocahontas that is. ;)

I mean, I'm doing my best to think of a Thanksgiving movie.... Even movies that span a couple months usually skip over Thanksgiving after Halloween. In Mean Girls one second it's Halloween and the next it's Christmas....

Even this POST is mostly about Christmas.

Someone please prove to me that there is at least one movie out there about Thanksgiving.... It will win BEST THANKSGIVING MOVIE. I simply cannot seem to be able to think of one.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

So, remember that part in New Moon, where Jacob, Bella and Mike go see that movie and Mike has to leave and go barf during it.... Well, barfing during a movie is no laughing matter since that's what I wanted to do throughout most of Breaking Dawn: Part 1, and what at least one other person actually did, (by evidence of the hallway after the show.)

Not only did producers release this film during flu season, and not only did they cut Breaking Dawn into two movies so that the disturbing blood-drinking, bone-breaking, Bella-dying disgustingness lasted throughout most of the movie and not just 20 minutes, but they also included a very cheesy scene in which the werewolves, in wolf form, spoke to each other. Now, I'm a Twilight fan and even I found that far too cheesy!

Parts of the movie were fun. I loved the speeches at the wedding, (Jessica always cracks me up,) and Charlie is awesome, as always. But for most of the movie I felt sick. Now, I felt sick going in to the movie, but the movie... just didn't help.

And while I very much appreciate the whole pro-life aspect, and Bella's choice was heroic and speaks fondly of all mothers who have chosen their baby's lives over their own, Bella spent most the movie looking like Skeletor swallowed a beach ball. It wasn't a pretty sight.

If you have children, do not take them to see this movie. It is not what the previews make it appear. And if you plan on getting pregnant in the future, or are pregnant, don't even think about watching this movie... ever.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

So You Might Be Dating Darth Vader....

Ever have those moments in those horrible relationships where red flags pop up and you think to yourself, "Wow. This dude I'm dating is EVIL"???

Well, if you haven't experienced this it might be because you've never dated anyone evil, OR it may be because all the men you've dated are horribly under-developed characters....

For example, let's look at the dreaded prequels. Padme dates Anakin and tiny red flags appear: like he's pro-dictatorships, he whines about Obi Wan holding him back, and he kills a bunch of sand people, (I've played KotOR. I mean, who HASN'T killed a bunch of sand people?!?)

Yet, "in real life," if he was one day going to be DARTH VADER, Padme would probably have started to see some more red flags pop up earlier on in their relationship - things worse than creating C3PO, I mean. Things like....

Well, he might tell Padme, "Our neighbors' dog got into our garden... so I choked it to death with the Force." Or, "Obi Wan really pissed me off today, you know, by holding me back. I just about choked him to death with the Force, because I love doing that, but he stopped me, you know, by holding me back." That would be a good sign. Or how about, "So, I was meditating in the Force and thinking about the future and I saw that I'm going to go evil, but then my son's going to change my mind and everything will be hunky dory at the end, so... I'm gonna go to a strip club. I'll see you later."

I invite you to make up some Anakin red flags of your own.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

December 2012. It's not just the end of the world anymore.

I know what you're doing right now. You're sitting, chilling out, reading my blog, thinking, "Gee, I'm sick of this blog. I wonder what Anne Hathaway is up to?" Well, I can tell you. She's up to ruining my life. In fact, everyone in Hollywood is up to just that.

They're taking my favorite novel, my favorite musical, my favorite play, and they're going to make a movie out of it.
Les Miserables the musical/movie comes out December 2012.

Call me pessimistic, but how can we dare be hopeful after the Phantom of the Opera debacle?

Jean Valjean - Hugh Jackman (I saw that horrible Oklahoma! with him in it, and he was really good.)
Javert - Russell Crowe (Really????)
Fantine - Uck. I don't even want to talk about it.
M. Thenardier - Geoffery Rush (who was great as Javert in the horrilbe film from the 90's.)
Mme. Thenardier - The always brilliant Helena Bonham Carter who should have just been cast as Fantine.
Marius - Eddie Redmayne (Tony award winner.)

The rest is unknown... at least it's unknown to me. I don't know... sometimes things are better left unknown.