Friday, July 1, 2011

Transfomers III: Dark of the Moon

This movie had everything! It had blatant sexism, a poor stab at feminism, far too many explosions, nearly-naked butts, lots of filler, a plot that was almost logical, a title that's missing a word, and a geeky-kid who was somehow the world's only chance for survival, yet did absolutely nothing... and did I mention it's in 3D? OMG!

Transformers III stars the dreaded Shia LaBeouf, (as Sam,) and a Victoria's Secret model, (who has literally done *no* acting until now,) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, (whose character's name I thought was "Angel" until later scenes when Sam started calling her Carly.)

Oh, and here's another good reason to stay away from this movie - Patrick Dempsey, although, to his credit, he plays a guy you want to punch in the face very well. John Malcovich was in it too, thank goodness.

If you've seen Men in Black II, you know how obnoxious little "cute" aliens can be. This movie's full of them. However, they actually do some good, and aren't as annoying as the aliens in Men and Black II. But the idea of them is just insulting. Michael Bay should have left these things out, and had Sam pull off the maneuver they did. Then Sam might have actually been of some use! I mean, Angel, (er - Carly,) did more good than our "hero" did.

Half the movie built up to the climax, (and was filled with Sam whining about how he couldn't get a job. Meanwhile his girlfriend puts up with him until he's actually got a job, then she wants nothing to do with him because he's not at her beck and call and won't be at a PARTY that night.) Then, half way through this mercilessly long movie, the climax starts. People jump out of a plane and we follow them for TWENTY MINUTES. This is what 3D has done to us.

My favorite parts were the cheesy patriotic parts. It may be covered in cheese, but at least it's not anti-American like Avatar, (which was cheesy too!)

This movie was written by jocks, for jocks, so... have fun jocks. Everyone else, stay home and watch Transporter II. It's the same type of movie, but it knows it sucks. I mean, you saw the first two Transformer movies, are you really surprised this one was what it was?

1 comment:

  1. I think you're expecting way too much of Micheal Bay. You sound like you thought this was going to be some sort of cinematic master piece and are demeaning it because it isn't anywhere near it.
    Bay doesn't do master pieces. At the same time, his movies aren't necessarily for jocks. They are for people who just want some explosions, jokes, and a little bit of semi-logical plot to validate it. Go in looking for anything more then you will be very disappointed.

    If you accept what kind of person Bay is and understand what his movies are, the movie was pretty damn good. Otherwise, yeah, it was a bit cheesy and overdone at parts.