Disney's John Carter

I was on my way to see 21 Jump Street but decided, last minute, to see John Carter instead because 21 Jump St, as it turns out, is rated R, and my general rule about R rated movies is that there will be something in it that will make me wish I didn't see it, no matter how awesome it is... not that 21 Jump St would have been awesome... moderately entertaining... perhaps.

John Carter is a mash-up of an 80's Conan movie, Gladiator, Superman, and Somewhere In Time. It has Mark Strong in it, which is always nice. The premise is that Mr. Carter goes from 1800's Arizona to Mars. Because of his molecular density he has super powers, thus the Superman part, and he falls in love and saves the world from Mark Strong. Darn that Mark Strong!

There's a lot of stars in this movie whom you're not going to recognize because they look like green monsters. The best character, however, came in the shape of a monster/dog thing called a Calot, (below.) This ones name is Woola, and it runs very fast... I want it.

John Carter was played by Taylor Kitsch. He was in John Tucker Must Die, but he wasn't John Tucker... which I find weird. He was in Snakes on a Plane, which is important. He was in Wolverine as... someone forgettable. And we can look forward to not seeing him in Battleship. (As in, we won't see Battleship, not that we'll see it but not be able to see him or something!)

It was an entertaining movie, and very family friendly. I threatened to take a nap at one point, but then the puppy came back on screen and I had to pay attention. Geez, thank goodness for puppies and Mark Strong, am I right?