Monday, February 13, 2012

To All You Twi-Haters

There are some things you should know.

1. Nobody really thinks Twilight was well written. We don't enjoy it because of Stephenie Meyer's turn-of-phrase. We enjoy its plot, story and characters.

2. We know that sparkly skin is lame. We're over it.

3. We're generally not embarrassed or ashamed of liking Twilight, because of our awareness listed above. So when you go off about sparkly skin and repetitive adjectives... you might as well be talking to a wall, (a really attractive wall, with a great sense of humor.)

4. Side note: Please don't think I'm being defensive. I just thought you'd all like to know. I'm more slightly annoyed by constant Twilight-bashing than offended, (see #3 for reasons why we're not offended.)

5. Although, I understand why you hate on Twilight. It's easy to find people who agree with you because it's so famous. And when people agree with you, you look smart. If you always complained about how much you hated  some book/movie nobody had ever heard of... who would that impress? So, as my gift to you, here is a list of actresses who are just as bad as Kristen Stewart, and books that are just as poorly written. Impress your friends by hating on them today!

Natalie Portman
Anne Hathaway
Mia Wasikowska

Uck, just thinking about Speak makes me bored with writing down other books that are worse than Twilight. Go ahead and continue hating on Twilight then, just whatever you do, promise me you won't read Speak.


  1. Speaking on behalf of official Twi-haters everywhere I'd just like to say, we're over it, too. I think we've made our points very clear a long time ago and beaten that dead horse many many times.
    As mentioned in your wonderful cannonists article, I think some of us just needed some time to vent our frustrations due to a love of vampire movies, but now, we've let go. But lets face it, we've had this coming for a long time. Interview with a vampire was the first downward step for vampires and I'm sure the stairs will go down past where we are now. Zombies anyone? Time to let go.

    Picking on Twilight was just too easy, plus it gets Twi-hard fans all riled up quick. I gotta confess, sometimes it was fun. But I'm going on record to state, its over. We just don't care and we're running out of breath. Thank you, we'll be going now.

    So when you are waiting in line for Twilight 4, and some cheese-brained mook gives you a hard time for dressing like Bella, or some fart-eater mocks you openly on facebook for your post about buying your tickets for the movie marathon followed by the midnight premier, just know he's not actually sanctioned or a recognized member of our group. Feel free to point and laugh right back at the loser.

    1. Aww. I appreciate that, Treeball. I can appreciate having fun at hating popular things. In the late 90's I used to get a group together and troll BSB chat rooms. Remember chat rooms?