Friday, September 2, 2011

The Ordeal of Picking a Least Favorite Pirate of the Caribbean Movie.

Ever find yourself forcing yourself to choose a favorite something? "People always ask me what type of cake is my favorite so I have to decide NOW!"

Come on, don't tell me I'm the only one who forces herself to pick favorites! Fine. I'm the only one. Well, sometimes it's easy to pick a favorite. Watch - 

Ahem. My favorite Pirate of the Caribbean movie is Curse of the Black Pearl. Tada! Easy breezy! 

BUT, it's not always so easy to pick a LEAST favorite. That, my friends, is today's purpose: to pick a least favorite Pirate of the Caribbean movie. 

(Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat - right/below) says, "I had a lot of media coverage, but I was hardly in this movie! Suckers!")

Now, narrowing the choices down is, at least, very simple. We know that Curse of the Black Pearl is not our least favorite, because it is our favorite. And On Stranger Tides, while dull in places, is also not our least favorite. It's just not. (Sometimes you just know.) Which leaves us with the dreaded Dead Man's Chest and At World's End. *Shudder*

Hmm... this is hard. Let's make a list of pros and cons... or maybe just cons.

Dead Man's Chest (or, Pirates of the Caribbean II.)
Cons -
Too much Davy Jones business! ACK! Grody! 
Tooooooo pretentious! From the very beginning the movie has us rolling our eyes and exclaiming, "OH come on!" Oh boo hoo! The writing is so bad, SO BAD! It makes me cry... no seriously, I wept. 
Stop talking about the rum being gone. Stop talking about the effing sea turtles. Stop talking about EVERY funny part in the first one and make a new joke. Try that!
Prons, er, Pros -
It's inventive at times. It's entertaining. It has interesting characters like the disheveled Commodore Norrington. Yet all this business between Elizabeth and Jack is just... well, dumb. Uck, let's move on.

At World's End
Cons - 
20 minute scene of Jack in "Davy Jones's Locker." Wake me when it's over! (Or let me sleep, either one.)
The movie ends and I think, "What happened during that film? I honestly can't recall." (Yes, I really do say "recall.") All the Calipso business is ridiculous, not to mention all that other business. These movies have far too much going on!
Pros -
Oh forget it.

In short, I hate both these dumb movies, but I insist on having a hierarchy! So... I'm going to pick At World's End as my least favorite. I hate the ending so much, SO MUCH!

I invite you to pick your least favorite Pirate of the Caribbean movie.
Here's the part where I apologize for not watching better movies, and for bringing Pirates of the Caribbean up so often. Also, if this post inspires you to watch the movies again, I'm very, very sorry.

(OH! And for those of you who wonder, that is Johnny Depp making those "Eh, ah, erg," noises in Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game.)


  1. ugh I did hate #2, and hey, I'd've rather jack and whatsherbucket, the fail chick...elizabeth... hook up, just so this movie moves on, but...I'd rather she died. and it'd be great if we couldve just jumped into this movie, and not all the crap from 1. except the rum. the rums hilarious. why IS it gone? its very...existential. still easily the worst one.
    3 had a very fun opening, the Singapore parts were fun...but not very Caribbean-y. the lovers once again ruin these movies (these movies needed to be strictly action, no romance). the cannibal part, was pretty lame.the locker scene I kinda liked (more existentialism) and it shows the warning of bad contracts. and you didnt love "nobody move, i've dropped my brain!"? classic! davy jones was less annoying in this movie. his love story? much better than The Turners (the lame ones, so clearly...(in the words of buster and babs bunny) NO RELATION!
    and 1 was good, fun, new, a bit dated now.
    I thought 4 was the best.yes a bit dull in places, but its The Captain Jack Sparrow Show. but w/o his writing the script. with boring people writing the script. I'd love it more if it was so quick after #1. so he was fresh nd original, and less drama-y.

  2. HAHAHA! The rum being gone is very existential indeed! But not the good kind of existentialism; not the funny kind, that is.

    But I absolutely detest the beginning of 3. It's so pretentious! Singing? Really? Singing? And by the time "I've dropped my brain" came around I was already sick of all the Jack Sparrow clones.

  3. its your blog. we like it at our house. we're weird.

    singing? I meant the sneaking (which I dont usually like) and action in singapore.
    ok yes, clones are always annoying.