The Top Worst Animated Disney Characters

Disclaimer: I'm not counting straight-to-video movie characters. That would take forever.

10. Nakoma (left) from Pocahontas. Tattle-tale, and over-all lame-o. Side note, did you know that David Ogden Stiers played both Governor Ratcliffe AND his man servant Wiggins? Also, as I've mentioned in a recent post, Christian Bale played the small role of Thomas, and is arguably now a bigger star than the lead male, Mel Gibson, who played John Smith. I know you should know all this, but considering the movie came out so long ago, I'm thinking you might not depending on who you are. You might be one of those people who don't know Heath Ledger and Joseph Levitt Gordon as the kids from 10 Things I Hate About You.

9. Pinocchio from Pinocchio. Don't'cha just wanna grab him and shake him and scream, "Stop being disobedient, you little punk!" I do.

8. Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Whine, whine, whine, bad choice, bad choice, bad choice. Is it horrible of me to say I like her better when she can't talk/whine?

7. Snow White from Snow White. To her shrill voice to her disgusting goody-goodyness... there's just hardly anything about this woman that's not annoying.

6. Dr. Finkelstein (right) from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Creepy d-bag!

5. Pain and Panic (left) from Hercules. Sometimes comic relief goes bad, and sometimes it goes horribly bad. Hades's henchmen are among the most awful.

4. Zazu from The Lion King. Oh man, Zazu. Just shut up already!

3. Ray from The Princess and the Frog. I don't remember what it was about this firefly that I hated so much, but I do remember that I hated him.

2. Hugo (right) from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Perhaps Imagineers felt that in order to happy-up the Gothic Victor Hugo novel they had to add obnoxious comic relief on top of comic relief, (we could have been just as happy with only the other two gargoyles to amuse us, or get rid of them too and leave us to Phoebus who is a lot funnier in this movie than he was in the book.) But for whatever reason, Seinfeld's Jason Alexander voiced the most obnoxious Disney animated character. Even his song was obnoxious.

And have I already gone off about the missed opportunity? Disney named two of the gargoyles after the author of the novel, Victor Hugo. However, Victor Hugo's middle name was Marie. They could have easily named the lady gargoyle Marie, instead, they named her Laverne. Whatever.

FYI, and this is completely off the topic, but did you catch that Hugo is a homosexual? He is in love with a goat named Djali. And Djali is a dude. Esmeralda even refers to Djali as "he" in the movie; Djali's maleness is not just something you'd pick up on only if you read the book. I guess it's not that surprising; Hugo also cross dresses.

1. Terk (left) from Tarzan. Tarzan come out during a time when the world reviled Rosie O'Donnell  but guess what? She's obnoxious, and so is Terk. Terk is one manipulative, bratty, little gorilla, and I don't like her one bit.

Now for the characters my friends wanted to add:
Iago from Aladdin
Madam Mim from The Sword and the Stone
Lefou from Beauty and the Beast
JarJar Binks, since Disney now owns Star Wars. He IS often animated so....
and
Lawrence from The Prince and the Frog.

Thank you friends for your input. Add more in the comments!

Lincoln

With moments of violence and gore, (wars are bloody!) a few N-bombs, (Confederates were racist!) and moments of comedy, (Abe Lincoln was funny!) this movie was de-freaking-lightful.

I'm not sure how else to put it, but I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It looks like it might not have any comedy in it, and it looks like it might be depressing; it was a really, really good movie.

How's that for an amazing critique?

Shut up. Go see it.

And I was so glad that Sally Field was playing a wife instead of "the mother," (granted, she was a mother to two of the characters on screen.)

The story followed Lincoln's struggle to pass the Emancipation Proclamation. The movie shows what the war was about for Lincoln despite my college American History teacher's claims that the war was all about money. Nope, Mr. What'syourbucket, some people did actually care about the slaves.

It never went deep into his depression... or into his vampire hunting....

Moonrise Kingdom

If you have something to do and you'd like a movie to play in the background while you do it, this is the movie for you. It requires little attention because nothing much happens and the plot is simply enough to follow. You might miss out on some artsy-farsty-ness, but you didn't care about that, did you?

If I had to grade the movie I'd give it C. It's MEH, but it has Bruce Willis in it.

The ending was very sweet.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II

I hated the first Breaking Dawn, if you'll remember my blog entree. I never want to see that movie again, especially now that I'm 7 months pregnant. That's the last thing on my must-do list.

But I'm starting to sense a pattern with part ones and part two movies. The first one blows, and the second one rocks. When you think about it, it makes sense. The first half of a movie or of a book is all suck-town. Except for the first ten minutes. You watch the first ten minutes of a movie, they're building up this great life, then BAM something happens that shoves the protagonist into Suck-town. Now your protag gets to struggle and live in Suck-town until half way through the movie when he/she's suddenly like, "No, Suck-town, no!" and starts to fight back. Well, the rest of the novel or movie is great! THAT'S why when you cut a book in half the second part rocks. The last Harry Potter movie was the best one. Although I wouldn't apply this theory to Kill Bill. But that's different. Kill Bill flows a little differently than a cut-in-half book turned movie.

So, I'm trying to think of a way to describe how astonishing and surprising this movie is without giving it away. You've heard there's a surprise at the end, and THERE IS! Don't worry, if you've only read the book once and that was years ago, you'll still recognize the surprise. You'll say, "Wait a minute!" probably out loud, like I did.

And congrats to Kristen Stewart for showing an emotion! Who knew!

We all know Twilight movies are little guilty pleasures, like little Lindt chocolates. They're not good for you, but they're just so much fun. This movie certainly does not disappoint its fans.... Notice the optimal word here is FANS! Guess what 20-year-old bro sitting behind me, nobody's surprised you're upset that it's a romance! I think the previews do an all right job of getting across what the movie is going to be like, so the fact that you wanted it to be more like Braveheart really doesn't interest anybody. And as my brother put it, bagging on Twilight is old hat. (He might not have use the phrase "old hat," and I'm not sure why I used it either.... I am however sure of why I use a lot of periods.... I like them....)

But that baby was freaky.

Skyfall

It's pronounced, "Sky-fall," as in "the sky is falling." Just thought I'd clear that up since the woman in front of us in line asked for tickets to "Snow Fall."

My favorite part was the beginning chase scene. And while I enjoyed the movie, I liked it least of the three Daniel Craig Bond films. (Which puts it above just about everything else that comes out during the rest of the year.) I don't like it when movies talk about how they're has-beens, or when the star is "too old for this," and all that.

Also, if you've seen Taken II you might recognize the rooftops of Istanbul. I think they're better used in this film, when they're being driven on by motorcycles. Although, to be fair, their involvement in Taken II was pretty much the most interesting part of that movie.

Anyway. Movie good. It was filmed beautifully, acted magnificently, and just spectacular cinema. (You have to listen to me because I say "cinema.")

Disney's Star Wars

So, you have your misgivings about seeing "the castle" before seeing the ship flying over head? Join the club!

The other club, over at another blog, because I'm not scared at all and I'll tell you why....

1. Non-animated Disney movies no longer suck like they did the 90's, (at least not ALL of them suck like they did.)

2. Lucas's ideas equaled everything that was wrong about the Star Wars universe, so removing him from the picture is only going to benefit us hard-core fans. (Soft-core fans will like anything.)

3. As GoletaGlenns pointed out on Facebook, Disney might make a Star Wars Land at Disneyland! Hopefully it doesn't replace Tomorrowland, but rather they find a different place for it. I'm all for that.

4. The world needs more Star Wars movies. We are nothing without our epic movies! People complain that Brendan Fraser's The Mummy was too much like Indiana Jones. But we need more movies like Indiana Jones! We need more movies like Lord of the Rings! (Which, I guess, is why we're getting 3 Hobbits, instead of two, or, HEAVEN FORBID, one!) Even if these new Star Wars movies suck, you're gonna go see them and have fun in the process.

Wreck it Ralph

Wreck it Ralph, a movie made for kids, has a lot of story points that are eerily related to another kid movie I saw 12 years ago. 

Both movies feature a man with amazing abilities who travels to a strange place, befriends an obnoxious kid, and enters said brat into a race in order to get what he needs.

Only in Wreck it Ralph, we replace Obi Wan Kenobi with Keneth from 30 Rock, and we replace Padme with the antagonist on Glee.

Apart from being far too similar to Episode One, Wreck it Ralph was cute. It wasn't funny, but it sure as heck wasn't Hotel Transylvania. My husband puts it in the same category as Megamind, (a category below Despicable Me.) 

It doesn't have a lot of humor for adults, despite using games adults are familiar with, (although, the teenagers in front of me laughed at absolutely everything!) "But," (to randomly quote Marty McFly,) "your kids are gonna love it."