Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Problems With Your Favorite Christmas Movie

Every year TV decides to have a marathon, NO, not of It's a Wonderful Life, not of The Nightmare Before Christmas, not of Die Hard, not even of Elf! It's of the classic, A Christmas Story (1983.) And how did this movie become a classic? By TV playing it over and over! By the Rule of Radio, if you hear something over and over, you start to like it.

While I do at times enjoy parts of the movie, and while I might have laughed a few times, I have some huge moral and un-moral problems with this movie. Why don't I go into depth about what those are right now for ya!

Problem #1. The leg lamp. This is your favorite part about your favorite Christmas movie, is it not? I'm sorry, I think it's the worst thing ever. Even my husband knows how much I hate this lamp, and all the Hallmark ornaments fashioned after it. Sexism is never funny! "Haha, his wife is jealous of a plastic lamp!" That's not funny. In fact, it's a serious problem in America, and jokes about it just make everything worse. Now, if she had smashed that stupid lamp and said, "Dam# straight I broke it! And I'll break your freaking face!" then this movie would rock. That's all it would take! At least she yells, "That lamp was the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire life!" Which is a pretty rewarding moment, but... not as rewarding as it would have been if she threatened to break his face as well, in my humble opinion.

Problem #2. Where's the story? What's the plot? What lesson does Ralphie learn? And what is with that ending? What is with that beginning? It starts with them looking in a store window, and it goes to them standing IN LINE waiting for Santa. Then they go to SCHOOL! Goodness, it's as if they made a movie out of the most boring parts of life. They even have a scene where they change a tire! Snore!

Anyway, I think 2 problems with the movie are enough for one night.