Friday, September 20, 2013

The Age Old Question: What was Attack of the Clones about? AKA: OBLIVION

I'd really like this movie... if I had never seen a movie before.

If you're watching it and thinking, "I've seen this before...." Relax. You haven't seen it before; you've seen Total Recall before, but don't worry, you're not IN Total Recall, it just kind of feels like it.

I honestly think these movies are made by men who think, "Yeah, my wife is okay, but I bet there's some kick-hand wife out there who's REALLY my wife, and one day I'll meet her, and we'll be unstoppable!" Dream on, boys.

Within 10 seconds of the beginning of this movie I knew three things, (SPOILERS!) 1. He was trapped in clone-city. 2. That radiation zone was a-okay, they just don't want anyone going there. and 3. That's not an alien; it's Morgan Freeman in a "HAZMAT" suit. (I'm not sure if the radiation zone, or Red showed up in the first 10 seconds of the movie, but the second they showed up, I knew it wasn't radiated, nor was it alien.)

How did I know this? Well, I knew it wasn't radiated because I've seen Total Recall... and other movies like it. I knew the alien was a human because... it was a human. I knew he was a clone because I've seen other clone movies and TV shows and they have a few things all in common:

1. They're confusing.
2. The characters have memories, but they don't know where they got them.

SO, if either of these two things pops up in a movie or TV show, sit back, kick your feet up, and wait for the clones.

(Some exceptions to the rule: Attack of the Clones. To be fair, that movie really isn't ABOUT clones, but about... you know, I have no idea.)

Anyway, Oblivion was a little slow, but charming.

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