Tuesday, July 24, 2012


This post is dedicated to the cannonists of America.

You know who you are! You go watch an awesome movie but cannot enjoy it because it strays from the cannonized version. "That's not what happens in the comic book!" you scream at the screen. You shy away from Twilight because "Vampire's don't sparkle! And they're not nice!" You say things like, "In REAL life...." as if super heroes, vampires, and Sith Lords actually exist in the real world.

Take a day off, cannonists! Take a big breath! Relax and enjoy a movie every now and then! I know it's fun to know the "real" stories, and what the "real" characters are like, but stories change, legends change, and change is okay. You don't have to worry that, "these idiots don't understand! They don't appreciate the original! These idiots suck!" because these idiots do suck, but caring that these idiots suck is idiotic and time wasting. Find the good in the change, and remember the original, and cannonized, for what they were: awesome.

FYI, vampires change consistently in each and every legend. So which legend are you basing your cannon on? It's hard to find an original vampire, since they originated from things that were not called vampires, and even those changed with each author. But that's besides the point. This post is not about Twilight. For a post about Twilight and it's haters, see THIS.


  1. Cannon is a double edged sword.

    For one, it establishes continuity. We don't need to be told who batman is or what he does in every comic book and movie we see.
    Sometimes its a membership to a secret club where only fellow geeks are welcome. At the end of the Avengers when the one alien ran up to the larger alien in the shadows telling him the Earth wouldn't be taken so easily and we see the large alien's face break from the shadows and smiles... there's the big reveal, everyone in the audience is holding their breath waiting to see who the shadowed figure was... and only 5 or 6 guys in the whole theater gasped in shock crying out "Thanos!" We got it! We know what's next! It doesn't mean Thanos will even be in the next movie, it just means at least Whedon was thinking of us.
    Sure, you can wear the "I love Avengers" t-shirt you got from Old Navy, sure you love the Iron Man movies, but unless you've read the comics (or maybe watched some cartoons) you wouldn't get it, you wouldn't know. Club membership, denied! This was a bone Whedon threw to the cannonists. "Om nom nom nom nom!"

    But when someone comes along and makes a movie that strays from the accepted cannon, making characters do and say things "out of character", those of us passionate enough to have read the comics, or otherwise indulged in non-movie media, see it as damaging to the legacy, story, whatever we felt so passionately about. Its a failed attempt at adding to a series near and dear to our hearts and instead does damage to it. (second sentence ending preposition tonight! Yee ha!)
    I knew Tim Burton's Batman was a big step away from cannon. The night I saw it in the theater I cried a little. I Raised my fist in protest to the thousands of new Batman fans who just loved it. Fans who still think Jack Nicholson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger. Really? Cesar Romero was a better Joker than Jack Nicholson. (But between you and me, when I read the comics, the Joker sounds like Mark Hamil).

    By the time Batman Returns came out I was over feeling offended that Tim Burton didn't know what he was doing and ready for whatever would be crapped out next. Danny Devito in fat suit with webbed mutant hands, check. Undead Catwoman, check. Christopher Walken as some unknown gangster, check (and still best part of the movie.)

    Everyone cried when Batman and Robin came out. I just sat back and laughed! "See! This is what happens!" How about Episode 1? I can't think of any movie that has ever shattered more nerds' hearts by cannonizing the uncannonizable! Forever destroying anything that was cool in the Star Wars universe. Despite how obviously crappy Episode 1 was, there were still thousands of mouth-breathing fans who loved it, who should be stoned, who probably were stoned.

  2. There does have to be some common ground. Cannonists should realize Hollywood has their own ideas about stories and characters, and artsy-farsty types like to do it their way, often straying from cannon. There's no other way to see your favorite saga on the big screen.

    I see several options available:
    1. Cannonists can release some of their grasp of favorite sagas. I mean, sure, Toby Maguire had web fluid in his body (Eww, gross) and wasn't shown as the brainy, nerdy science guy who created his own web shooters but, eh, who cares. The story works so go with it! But, as every romance movie ever made tells us; sometimes its hard to let go.

    2. Cannonists can maintain their hold, whining and moaning about what's right and what's wrong about Harry Potter's scar. They can blog about it, they can pass out fliers, protest the movies and book signings, whatever. But, as mentioned in your blog, this anger will interfere with their possible enjoyment of the movies. I released my strangle hold on the X-Men (took me 23 years!) just in time to enjoy the first 2 movies.

    3. Cannonists can meet with other cannonists and discuss their disapproval and how it could have been better. They do that anyways and don't need my permission.

    4. Cannonists can gather and point fingers at the unwashed masses wearing the Captain America t-shirts scratching their heads as Thanos is revealed, looking around the theater to see if someone knows who he is, and if that someone is willing to tell them. No thank you! That's a secret I will take to the grave! Or at least until the next movie comes out, or at least as long as it takes you to google "Thanos".

  3. Jeff, I liked the tim burton ones.they got me into reading batman (tho I only saw the 2nd one recently) I knew they werent cannon, the next 2...
    anyway I really like nightwing and robin (tim wayne), perhaps we should keep them to their own movies (but with batman cameos). and yes to your tiny joker rant!!!

    I still had lots of problem with this...hot mess of a story, but it wasnt bad. it'll probably get more fans, but its frustrating.

    I thought anne hathaway would be a poor choice, but she did well, this version of catwoman is very arkham city inspired I noticed.
    I'm holding my breathe for zurr-en-ah.

  4. Mark Hamill is the ultimate Joker, especially when it comes to cannonization. And we all hate that stupid GI Joe movie for what it's done to the cannon. The difference is where the changes are good, and the movie rocks, let go of the cannon-anger. "That's a secret I will take to the grave!" You just told us! ;) But I agree completely, Treeball. And thank you for your contribution. I probably would have done better to just have you write this post. Steph says I should have more guests writers. The closest I've come was posting Janee's poem about how horrible Transformers is.

    Grant, this post isn't mainly about your problems with The Dark Knight Rises, although, that is worth a post on its own. It wasn't a hot mess of a story. The story was lovely.