Hello all you beautiful people in blog land!
It's been too long.
I have kids now. Kids = expensive movies. Going to the movies is CRAZY with kids now. So not only am I way behind on movies, I'm also way behind on slang. Did you see how I wrote "crazy" and not "cray-cray"? Did you see how I wrote "cray-cray" even though people have already shortened it to "cray"? Yeah. I'm so out of it!!!
Which leads me to something I am not out of, and that is my endless supply of Spider-man movies. (YAY!!! Boo. Meh. YAY!!!!) Oh. That was just me reacting to the different movies chronologically. Don't mind me.
"Oh Boonie, whatever do you mean?"
Well, I'll tell ya. Some Spider-man movies suck. I had to go back and read my blog about
The Amazing Spider-man II to see how I felt about it, because I forgot... everything about it. But, that didn't stop me from knowing EXACTLY where it fits in...
(Wait for it)
(Do people still say "wait for it"?)
(Totally out of it.)
WHICH SPIDER-MAN WINS THE BEST SPIDER-MAN EVER SPIDER-MAN SPIDER-SHOW-CASE SHOW-SPIDER-DOWN!
Ahh yeah. Let's do this.
First we had this upside-down-kissing Tobey dude. The trilogy was directed by the awesome Sam Raimi, who also brought us such classics as
The Evil Dead II,
Army of Darkness, and
Xena Warrior Princess. FINALLY we had a Spider-man movie. This was way over due, folks, for those of you who don't remember life without Spider-man movies. Oh the bleakness! This movie was funny. This movie was awesome.
THEN its sequel came out, and it was even better. I refer to it, lovingly, as Spider-man the Comedy, because I laughed the entire time.
But alas, it could not last. The third movie in the series, the crapquel, as it were, was so awful. Is there a person among you who enjoyed
Spider-man III? Show me a person who loved
Spider-man III and I will show you a person who is making stuff up.
Then we went two seconds and got a Spider-man re-boot. (We were not to live too long in a world without current Spider-man movies.) This one had the Social Network kid in it. (Not that one.) This one had Emma Stone in it. She's awesome. We love Emma Stone. And I saw it once... maybe twice, 'cause it was dull.
The second one was more so.
Ten seconds later we got another re-boot! Kind of. We got a surprise during a
Captain America movie! THEN we got another re-boot. This time we got an MJ who's not MJ. We got a "WHAT THE!?!!?!?!?!" (Which is always fun.) We got BATMAN "returning" (Get it? Because he was in
Batman Returns?) as a villain! (We love Michael Keaton!) We got a really funny best friend. (We love the guy in the chair.) We got cameos from Captain America, Iron Man, Happy Hogan, and we also got to see Gwyneth Paltrow in her best role ever. (We're so happy she's not
faking English accents anymore. We love you Pepper Potts. [Wrote "Pepper
Poots" first. Whoops.])
"Whatever, Boonie. Rate the effing movies already."
Sure. Fine. But I think you guys can guess.
WORST:
Spider-man III
LESS WORST:
The Amazing Spider-men (You decide which comes first. I don't care.)
NOT WORST:
Spider-man Homecoming
MORE NOT WORST:
Spider-man
BESTEST:
Spider-man II
YAY!!!! Cheers! Open that bottle of Coke! Time to celebrate the winner! Oooh! Let's go watch it now! Only, just don't watch that third one. **shudders**
Thanks for stopping by! See you never! (Because that would be creepy, unless I know you. If I do know you, hi! How's it going? What are you up to? See any good movies lately?)
