Friday, July 4, 2014


I hate this movie and all movies like it.

It had four stars on Amazon. This only confirms that people love being bored; they think they're being educated. I have no tolerance for slow, boring movies, especially not slow, boring, predictable movies.

Positives: Matthew McConaughey

But, sadly, as we saw with Fool's Gold, he is not enough to save a movie.

So, two kids, (one who's personally is perpetual swearing,) find Matthew McConaughey hiding out on a deserted island in the Mississippi. Neither of them tell their parents/guardian.

Which, of course, they really should have, because this guy's totally running from the law. But, it's okay; he's a nice criminal. So, Matthew tells the kids he'll die if he's ever bit by a poisonous snake again, like the ones in a little pond a couple hundred feet from where he lives in a boat in a tree. But, of course, a lot of boring stuff happens then one of the kids, (who doesn't always drop the SH bomb,) gets all kinds of mad at Matthew, (whose name is Mud,) he gets all kinds of mad at Mud and runs off and falls into the snakes. Magically, only one of the snakes bite him and only once. So Mud, risking his life, jumps in and saves the boy. (Don't worry, Mud doesn't get bit.... Were you worried? Oh okay. I wasn't either.) So latter Mud gets his boat working and drops by the kid's house on his way out of town to check in on him, and the bounty hunters start shooting everything up looking for Mud. All the shooting makes the kid's parents realize how much they love their son, and how much they've been neglecting him.

You'd think if all it took was a bunch of guns going off the parents would have realized how much they loved their son earlier. I mean, they live in the swamp.

Everyone ends up fine... except those who watched the movie who end up angry and annoyed.

1 comment:

  1. No way, this was one of my favorite movies!

    It was gritty, stylish, and funny-- way better than alright, alright, alright.