The Extraordinary Similarities Between Pirates of the Caribbean and Star Wars

One might even think that Pirates of the Caribbean did it on purpose!

To start the comparison, let's look at character.

The blonde protagonist who is searching for a captured "princess like person" and the truth about his father - Will Turner/Luke Skywalker

The rouge/pilot/captain - Jack Sparrow/Han Solo

The lady - Elizabeth Swann/Princess Leia

Now, Pirates of the Caribbean had two sets of droids. A good set, and an evil set. Both sets came complete with their C-3PO character (the know-it-all,) and their more R2D2ish character, (the funnier one.)
C-3PO - Pintel (pirate) and Murtogg (Naval Man)
R2D2 - Ragetti (pirate) and Mullroy (Naval Man)

Now, plot wise - Will wants to rescue a lady, so he seeks out the help of a rouge "pilot." Together they stop the Empire, I mean the evil pirates, ("evil pirates?" Shouldn't that be redundant?) blow up the Death Star, I mean they steal back Jack's ship, and then they have a big ceremony at the end where they get medals. Okay, they don't get medals, and in fact Jack is almost hung, but what are you gonna do?

In the SECOND (and dreadful) Pirates of the Caribbean, they continue their Star Wars-eskness by putting the Jack/Han character in limbo at the end. Carbonite, Kraken... same thing.

Also notice how Jack Sparrow owes a DEBT to a squid-faced dude, (Davy Jones,) much in the same way Han Solo owes a debt to the slightly rotund Jaba the Hutt. What's with rouges and their debts to ugly guys?

(Look at this ridiculous picture of Han and Jaba. Why did Lucas feel the need to add this scene? It's so poorly done and unnecessary. Han doesn't even look like he's looking at Jaba. And what is Chewy doing? Waiting?!? If I were Chewy I'd be like, "I'm going inside while you talk to this guy." Then I'd go inside, grab a Coke, put my incredibly large feet up, and talk smack about Han and his debts to Luke and Obi Wan. Well... maybe just Luke since Obi Wan keeps holding people back. Captain Bring Down.)

I invite you to find other movies that are similar to Star Wars. Don't take Anacondas II; that one's spoken for.

Quick! Catch up!

Check out our first The Hobbit preview. 

Now check out all this Ender's Game business. If you haven't read the books, I suggest you get on that. At the very least, read Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow, by Orson Scott Card.

And... that's about it for updates... unless you care about the Clash of the Titans sequel... didn't think so.

How I Spent My Monday

I recently started a new job, and even more recently I started another. But today I took the time and energy to do something BESIDES work.

I went and saw Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows.

I was pleasantly surprised by a NEW Dark Knight Rises trailer. Which looks incredible. If it weren't for Anne Hathaway this might be the best movie ever. After that they gave us a The Hunger Games preview, which we're not going to say no to, but we've seen. It was still awesome and worrisome at the same time.

Then the movie started. It was great. What's weird is that I neither like it less nor like it more than Sherlock Holmes I. I like it exactly the same. Unfortunately, I didn't blog about the first one since it came out in 2009, and I started this afterwards. Isn't that strange?

Well, here's what seeing a Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows is like. It's like James Bond, (specifically Quantum of Solace,) meets Iron Man, Enemy at the Gates, Mean Girls, and Ever After, during the turn of the century, (LAST century, not THIS century,) with ridiculously cool music, snazzy special effects, and a few cutesy, non-avoidable, sequel forms.

Our villain, Jared Harris, was uber creepy. He was like Hannibal Lecter creepy.

Robert Downey Jr. would do this new thing, where he would turn around quickly and stand straight right before he went into a deep thought/realization thing. I liked it. It seemed to bring character and purpose to the moment.

Parts were predictable, (because I'm a movie genius,) and parts were not.

This Just In: Sherlock Holmes II will probably make a lot of money

http://news.yahoo.com/box-office-preview-sherlock-set-solve-slump-000626695.html

No s*%^, Sherlock. ;)

Pregnant Women in Movies

One thing I promised myself I would never do once I started my acting career, was to never give birth on stage or on screen, (sorry, Sarah, whom I wrote a birth scene for.) As long as I keep playing nuns, I'll probably never have to worry about this....

Yet, how often are audiences stuck suffering through the really awkward experience of fake-birth?

I don't even want to talk about it, that's how awkward it is. Instead, let's just talk about all the pregnant characters in the movies.

Now, most animated movies don't bother with pregnancy. In fact, only one comes to mind: The Emperor's New Groove (below). Chicha is a witty, tough, pregnant lady. If she were in her husband's shoes, the movie would have been over a lot quicker... because she would have eaten Kuzco, (not because she had weird, pregnant cravings, but because she's like a bear!)

Next up is an example from one of the stupidest movies ever, Star Wars Episode III... whatever the rest of the title is, (above). Padme, or Amidala, or whoever, is pregnant with twins. They made a pregnant action figure out of this character.... Regrettably, the action figure didn't come with He-Man Thunder Punch action.

I know there are more, but those are the only two that make me go, "Oh weird! She's pregnant!"

Edit: Of COURSE there's also Breaking Dawn. But we've already discussed that disturbing pregmasacre.

Why Are THESE My Most Popular Posts?

What are people Googeling that leads them to these posts?

(I'm talking about the ones to the right of this. Why are these they?)

While We're On The Subject...

People keep saying, "Breaking Dawn is the greatest Twilight movie yet." But... is it? What do you think? It's fine if you agree, but how do you compare Twilight movies? Do you grade based on how much better Rosalie's hair looks? Do you grade based on Bella's slight acting improvements? (Come on, emotion! I know you're in there somewhere!) Do you grade based on how often Jacob takes his shirt off? Or do you grade on plot, writing, direction, acting, and all that boring stuff? (Like me.)

I know we're not DONE with Twilight yet. We still have one more movie to go, but, you know, we might as well start our comparisons now. Right?

I'm seriously asking YOU this question, by the way. I just realized I don't have a favorite. I really don't. I don't know. The first movie had great moments, the third one had the greatest moment and Bryce Dallas Howard, New Moon had too much Jacob but had a great Volturiesk ending, and the fourth one... well, you know what I think of the fourth one; it's great, if you like watching people slowly deteriorate! It's like watching the death scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade very, very slowly. VERY SLOWLY!

If you haven't seen the movies, then guess what, you don't get a vote, but I'll still be your friend... unless you haven't seen these movies and you haven't seen Indiana Jones. Then, well, I'm not sure what to tell you.

Jack and Jill

I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe!

Katie Holmes was in it, but she wasn't that bad. She didn't have to do any "hard acting," like pretending to talk on a phone or anything.

But seriously, this was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a LONG time. I know! I was skeptical! I was like, "A PG Adam Sandler movie? Whaaaaaaa?" And I know some of you are thinking, "I saw that movie, Boon, and it was so dumb." But I laughed so hard, and I laughed often. I FULLY enjoyed myself, and I recommend you all go see it. A lot of movies I've seen lately, I've tolerated but I didn't love, I LOVED this movie. It made me laugh. It wasn't sad. Was it formulaic? Sure. Did I predict everything? Of course, it's what I'm good at. But, I also laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

By the way, David Spade has never been hotter.

Green Goblin, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, Green Arrow and Greenzo

We all get confused trying to remember which Green superhero/villain is which. We end up figuring it out and then we realize that we've spent too much time thinking about really lame super heroes. So I'll spare you a definition of each one.

Besides, this post isn't about which one is which, (unlike my Aragorn, Aragog, Eragon post.) This one is about which one of these green superheroes really deserves the fore name GREEN.

We'll start with the Spider-man villain The Green Goblin. The first Green Goblin, (Norman Osborn,) was played in the movies by the awesome Willem Dafoe, while the second Green Goblin (Harry Osborn,) was played by my sister's "boyfriend," James Franco. Norman enjoys being rich, trying things out for himself, and blowing things up with jack-o-lantern grenades. However, does OSCORP, Norman's company, ever donate to Green Peace? Is that Goblin-Glider biodegradable? And how many toxins were dumped into the ocean in the making of that strength serum? I don't even want to think about it!

The Green Lantern comes to us from our friends at DC. I know; DC is responsible for a lot of stupid superheroes, but we always forgive them because they give us Batman. So, if you remember my post about The Green Lantern then you might remember that there are oodles of Green Lanterns. Some are tall, some are short, some are aliens, some are Mark Strong. The important thing to remember is that at the end of the movie Hal Jordan saved planet Earth. Now, that's pretty green... even if the movie sucked.

The Green Hornet started as a radio show, then was a film serial, then hit TV waves in the 60's, and then tried to ruin our lives in theaters very recently. His main appeal is that he poses as a villain. Ooooooooooh. Even though we are ENTHRALLED by that concept, the Green Hornet is, sadly, hardly an asset to the environment driving around in the technically brilliant Black Beauty all day. I mean, is Black Beauty a hybrid? It doesn't look like it!!!

Now let's talk about DC's other green clad hero, Green Arrow. (Why they couldn't make one of these guys purple I'll never know!) Green Arrow was really good at something, but I forget what... Oh wait! I know! He was good a shooting arrows!!! That's it! I knew I would think of it! He was really rich. His name was Oliver Queen, (that's right, QUEEN, even though he's not the Purple Arrow,) and he became, like, a regular on Smallville for some reason, around the time I stopped watching that show. Ahem, anyhow, he's like a smash-up of Batman's utility belt and Robin Hood. He has all these arrows that do different things, probably very conveniently. (How much you wanna bet he's got a shark repellent arrow in there somewhere?) To be honest, he's really boring and doing research on him bores me to death, so I'll just say that arrows are made out of wood. They're biodegradable, but how many trees does he have to cut down? I mean... who uses arrows anymore? Larper!

So at last we come to Greenzo, and you may not even know who he is. He's relatively new. He appears in an episode of 30 Rock. He's played by Friends's David Schwimmer. Greenzo was created to spread the word about green this and green that. He started out as a desperate actor named Jared, who agreed to go on NBC talk shows and talk about the earth. Jared started out pretty right-wing, but quickly became obsessed with the power his alter-ego, Greenzo, possessed. He became consumed by Greenzo and completely detached himself from his true identity. He became mean and hurtful, and worst of all PREACHY! While he shared a very green message to millions, he also gave the earth a bad name by representing it with mean harshness.

Who was the most green? I'll leave it for you to decide.

Thanks, Steph.

The Muppets

More for 30-50 year olds who grew up watching The Great Muppet Caper over and over, and less for the 5 year olds of now. However, let's face it, 5 year olds will love anything.

Kermit tries to bring back his has-been act... which is kind of reflective of reality... too reflective in fact. It made me a little sad, until I realized I didn't really care and that if I wanted to see a Muppet movie, I know where to find one or two. It's not like the world is in dire need of another Muppet movie....

However, as a Muppet fan, I dragged my husband to see this movie. He LOVED it. He laughed so hard. It was a very funny, charming, and at times ridiculous movie. Take your spouse, take your kids, and take your parents and your neighbors and go see this movie.

I enjoyed the references to the other Muppet movies. That's something other Muppet movies never did, and it was kind of a fun addition... which is weird 'cause I usually hate when movies do that.

Jack Black was hilarious. And Gonzo and his chickens are awesome as always. Animal will never stop cracking me up. 80's Robot was totally gnarly. It's always nice to see the Muppets, even if they get a little dull sometimes, (Christmas Carol and Treasure Island, I'm looking at you.)

Now's the part where you rate your favorite Muppet movies. Ready? GO!

Best Thanksgiving Movies

Since I did a post about the best Halloween movies it's only fair that I do one for the best Thanksgiving movies too....

Only....

What Thanksgiving movies are out there...?

When are they going to remake Love Actually for the 90,000,000th time? THIS TIME it'll be different because it's on a different Holiday, and a few of the actors have changed!!! I even already have a title! It's called... wait for it... THANKSGIVING!

Anyway, I'm sick of hearing everyone complain about how it's "Christmas already!?!" and how Thanksgiving never gets its day. However, no one seems to care that there's a huge lack of Thanksgiving related movies... you know, if you don't count Pocahontas that is. ;)

I mean, I'm doing my best to think of a Thanksgiving movie.... Even movies that span a couple months usually skip over Thanksgiving after Halloween. In Mean Girls one second it's Halloween and the next it's Christmas....

Even this POST is mostly about Christmas.

Someone please prove to me that there is at least one movie out there about Thanksgiving.... It will win BEST THANKSGIVING MOVIE. I simply cannot seem to be able to think of one.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

So, remember that part in New Moon, where Jacob, Bella and Mike go see that movie and Mike has to leave and go barf during it.... Well, barfing during a movie is no laughing matter since that's what I wanted to do throughout most of Breaking Dawn: Part 1, and what at least one other person actually did, (by evidence of the hallway after the show.)

Not only did producers release this film during flu season, and not only did they cut Breaking Dawn into two movies so that the disturbing blood-drinking, bone-breaking, Bella-dying disgustingness lasted throughout most of the movie and not just 20 minutes, but they also included a very cheesy scene in which the werewolves, in wolf form, spoke to each other. Now, I'm a Twilight fan and even I found that far too cheesy!

Parts of the movie were fun. I loved the speeches at the wedding, (Jessica always cracks me up,) and Charlie is awesome, as always. But for most of the movie I felt sick. Now, I felt sick going in to the movie, but the movie... just didn't help.

And while I very much appreciate the whole pro-life aspect, and Bella's choice was heroic and speaks fondly of all mothers who have chosen their baby's lives over their own, Bella spent most the movie looking like Skeletor swallowed a beach ball. It wasn't a pretty sight.

If you have children, do not take them to see this movie. It is not what the previews make it appear. And if you plan on getting pregnant in the future, or are pregnant, don't even think about watching this movie... ever.

So You Might Be Dating Darth Vader....

Ever have those moments in those horrible relationships where red flags pop up and you think to yourself, "Wow. This dude I'm dating is EVIL"???

Well, if you haven't experienced this it might be because you've never dated anyone evil, OR it may be because all the men you've dated are horribly under-developed characters....

For example, let's look at the dreaded prequels. Padme dates Anakin and tiny red flags appear: like he's pro-dictatorships, he whines about Obi Wan holding him back, and he kills a bunch of sand people, (I've played KotOR. I mean, who HASN'T killed a bunch of sand people?!?)

Yet, "in real life," if he was one day going to be DARTH VADER, Padme would probably have started to see some more red flags pop up earlier on in their relationship - things worse than creating C3PO, I mean. Things like....

Well, he might tell Padme, "Our neighbors' dog got into our garden... so I choked it to death with the Force." Or, "Obi Wan really pissed me off today, you know, by holding me back. I just about choked him to death with the Force, because I love doing that, but he stopped me, you know, by holding me back." That would be a good sign. Or how about, "So, I was meditating in the Force and thinking about the future and I saw that I'm going to go evil, but then my son's going to change my mind and everything will be hunky dory at the end, so... I'm gonna go to a strip club. I'll see you later."

I invite you to make up some Anakin red flags of your own.

December 2012. It's not just the end of the world anymore.

I know what you're doing right now. You're sitting, chilling out, reading my blog, thinking, "Gee, I'm sick of this blog. I wonder what Anne Hathaway is up to?" Well, I can tell you. She's up to ruining my life. In fact, everyone in Hollywood is up to just that.

They're taking my favorite novel, my favorite musical, my favorite play, and they're going to make a movie out of it.

Les Miserables the musical/movie comes out December 2012.

Call me pessimistic, but how can we dare be hopeful after the Phantom of the Opera debacle?

CAST
Jean Valjean - Hugh Jackman (I saw that horrible Oklahoma! with him in it, and he was really good.)
Javert - Russell Crowe (Really????)
Fantine - Uck. I don't even want to talk about it.
M. Thenardier - Geoffery Rush (who was great as Javert in the horrilbe film from the 90's.)
Mme. Thenardier - The always brilliant Helena Bonham Carter who should have just been cast as Fantine.
Marius - Eddie Redmayne (Tony award winner.)

The rest is unknown... at least it's unknown to me. I don't know... sometimes things are better left unknown.

The Best Halloween Movies

We all know which Halloween movie (takes place on Halloween) is going to win, because it's awesome, but here are some others anyway.

Halloween
This movie is very meh. Nobodies favorite scary movie is Halloween. I mean, come on.

Hocus Pocus
One of the cheesiest movies ever created, this movie follows a boy who has trouble fitting in at school, (the kids make fun of him because he's from California.... Yeah, surfer guys are lame.... o_0) He and his sister get all mixed up with some witches that have accidentally woken up from a very long nap, which was probably brought on by watching this movie.




Sleepy Hallow
Disney's The Legend of Sleepy Hallow, and Washington Irvine's short story, both take place on Halloween, so we're going to call both of these movies Halloween movies. Sleepy Hallow is a movie LOOSELY BASED on the short story, while the Disney version is a whole heck-of-a-lot like the short story. If you're going for accuracy, and if you like being completely creeped-out by cartoons, then watch the Disney short. If you're into beautiful creepy movies with more head-chopping action than you can shake a bag full of heads at, then watch Sleepy Hallow.

And finally, the winner -
The Nightmare Before Christmas

This movie starts on Halloween and ends on Christmas, so it can be categorized as either a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie. This works great for us Nightmare fans that love both holidays. We so relate, Jack.

Puss in Boots

Not as funny as the preview, or as Shrek, but very cute. It started a bit slow, but it was super cute. And you know you're going to see anything with Antonio Banderas in it. I'm a little surprised you haven't seen it yet, honestly.

*Spoilers*
Puss and "friends" embark on a journey to steal some magic beans to eventually steal the golden goose from the giant in the sky and pay back a town Puss in Boots accidentally betrayed. The movie is full of cute talking cats, and nursery rhymes.... What more do you want?

The Newest 3 Musketeers

Why do they call them 3 Musketeers when there are only two ingredients - chocolate coating and fluffy center? I just don't get it.

But, oddly enough, that question has nothing to do with the plot of the latest The Three Musketeers. The last time this Dumas-novel-turned-movie was attempted it was by Disney, came with an uber-cheesy "All for One" theme song which is regrettably stuck in my head, a man who we would one day know as Jack Bauer, and Chris O'Donnell. This movie seems to be attempted at least once a decade, yet another Dumas classic, The Count of Monte Cristo, is a better story, and a better dessert, yet is rarely moviefied. What gives?

This time the movie was made by Summit (who also made Twilight,) and instead of Chris O'Donnell as our young hero, we have Percy Jackson, (I would appreciate it if Logan Lerman replaced Shia Labeouf in absolutely everything.) Instead of the Countess D'Winter played by Rebecca De Mornay, we get Milla Jovovich. (While she does a horrendous job acting in this movie, we still love her.) And because no one will ever hire Charlie Sheen ever again, he's not in the movie and in his place as Aramis, we have Luke Evans who looks like Orlando Bloom, and will be in The Hobbit. You might also recognize him from the regrettable Clash of the Titans. He played Apollo. But don't be too upset, Orlando Bloom is actually in it. Although, maybe you should stay upset, he does a really crappy job. Orlando Bloom does not make a good villain. Who's idea was that?

I thought all the business with the King and Queen was really sweet, and I found myself amazed that I cared about the characters, something I didn't realize until D'Artagnan was fighting the dude from Casino Royal, (you know, the one who cried blood.)

Anyway, some of the cast was good, some of the cast was dreadful, the plot was succinct and action driven, there were real relationships in danger, and all in all, while it was terrible, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Yes. I had a good time. I actually might go as far as to say I recommend it. It was a terrible, and fun, movie.

It kept all the best parts of the 1993 version and improved upon them for the most part. It was naturally full of cheese-ball lines and crappy dialog, but it's a THREE MUSKETEER MOVIE! What do you expect?

If only they could make a 3 Musketeer movie without EVER saying "All for one and one for all."

My biggest problem was the ships landing on top of Notre Dame cathedral. You know they only did that so D'Artagnan could fight on the roof. It really bothered me though. I had to cover my eyes. If you want to fight on the roof of Notre Dame, don't film a Dumas novel; film a Hugo novel.

My 2 Least Favorite Things Hit Broadway

Crappy musicals (I counted, there are a total of 15 musicals that I enjoy,) and prequels.

Disney commissioned a Peter-Pan prequel to hit up Broadway someday soon, according to Yahoo News (my third least favorite thing.) 

I mean, I really hate prequels, and place the blame entirely upon Lucas for their mere existence and recent popularity. Let's look at a list of prequels, and try our best to find ONE we like.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

If you look at the dates on the bottom of the screen, you may notice that Temple of Doom happens BEFORE Raiders of the Lost Arc. There doesn't seem to be a POINT to having the movie be a prequel, but what are you gonna do? We certainly can agree that Temple of Doom is the worst or second to worst Indiana Jones movie. 

Episodes I, II, and II

I don't think any of us want to get into how much these movies suck. Oddly enough, I have an obvious favorite. Yes! Episode II is my favorite horrible Star Wars prequel.

I'll note here, that I'm not counting Batman Begins or anything like that as a prequel. It's the first in a series, it's not going off of ANYTHING that had to do with the Tim Burton films of the 90's... it's not a prequel!

X-Men: First Class

Full of cheesy one-liners and underwear scenes; I already complained about this movie.

X-Men Beginnings: Wolverine

It was dull at times, and completely un-rewatchable, but it didn't make me want to burn down the theater after watching it.

Some consider the 2006 Casino Royale a prequel.... I think it's a reboot, but it certainly is closer to a prequel than Batman Begins. If I did consider this a prequel, it would be the greatest prequel ever. You would think that a James Bond prequel would have a million cheesy Bond jokes, "Get it!?! GET IT!?!?!?!" But it didn't. It had a FEW, but they, like Daniel Craig, were awesome.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Surprise!! If you weren't around in 1966, you might not have known that The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly came out AFTER A Fist Full of Dollars and For a Few Dollars More. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is my favorite western, naturally. The acting is fantastic. There's nothing like a good man-man movie.

Red Dragon

Prequel to Silence of the Lambs. This movie was way better than its sequel friend Hannibal. NEVER see Hannibal. Just don't do it!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I can't think of any others right now. I invite you to complain about prequels you hate.

Avengers Trailer

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3488652825

One of my Mom's Favorite Movies

Groundhog Day

Have you seen this movie? You need to. It's brilliant. It's funny. It's sheer genius. Go see it. Netflix it right now. Pronto.

Don't worry, my blog will still be here when you get back.

Well, anyway, if you can believe it, this movie came out in 1993. It stars Andie MacDowell and Bill Murray, and was written and directed by Ghostbusters co-star Harold Ramis (Egon,) who consequently wrote Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Stripes, Bedazzled, Analyze That, Year One, etc. as well.

Phil, (Murray,) is a grumpy weather man who goes to a small town on Groundhog Day. He ends up re-living the day over and over, just like Buffy, Xena and Molder did.

My mom has good tastes in movies. For a complete list of my mom's favorite movies, click here. (Okay, those aren't technically MY mom's favorite movies, but what are you gonna do?)

The Help

I know you're wondering if I've read the book, well, I haven't, and this movie didn't inspire me to pick up a copy. It's not a bad film, it's just.... well, I was hoping for something hilarious. The preview was full of jokes, however, those were the only jokes in the film. The movie itself was actually very serious. 

I adore the cast. One of my favorite characters was Celia Foote (Jessica Chastain,) even though she's your typical "prostitute with a heart of gold" the stock-character that we've been sick of since Gone with the Wind, High Noon, and Stage Coach. (Okay, technically she's not a prostitute, but it's the same character role.) I found her hilarious and charming. 

I also appreciate the realism of the movie. Just because the book was sold, doesn't mean things suddenly changed for everyone. I also liked that the movie ended not with Skeeter, but with Aibileen.

Does anyone else think it's weird that Amy Adams wasn't in it?

Somebody Kidnapped Jacob!!!

The first time I saw a poster for Abducted, I had to laugh. Is it not every teenage girl's dream to abduct Taylor Lautner?

Well, now I'm thinking a movie about a crazy fan stealing the guy who plays Jacob would have been a much better waste of my money. At least it might have been written better. This was one of the poorest written movies I've ever seen.

It should have just embraced that it was similar to The Bourne Identity, and just copied the movie word-for-word.

In short, this movie was very boring. I almost fell asleep. In fact, I would have, but I wanted to blog about it. Stupid blog.