Friday, October 25, 2019

Pixar Movies Sadness Level








Image result for coco

Pixar movies rated by sadness.

Now you can do what I do - decide which movie you want to see based on how sad you want to get. Enjoy! (Or don't. If you like sad movies and want to suffer.)

1. Inside Out: Cried the entire time. Never not crying.

2. The Good Dinosaur: Bawl fest 2015

3. Coco: Day of the Sad

4. Up: Oh hello. Would you like to be sad?

5. Toy Story 4: Sad Story 4

6. Toy Story 3: The Toys Start Getting Sad

7. Monsters Inc.: Just thinking about the ending is making me tear up. Don't think about it!

8. Toy Story 2: Jessie's past life in Sadville.

9. Finding Dory: I haven't even seen it all the way through because it's more boring than anything else... which is sad.

10. Finding Nemo: Every parents' worst nightmare.

Image result for wall-e11. Wall-E: No tears, but super depressing.

12. Cars 3: Sad Cars

13. Brave: There are moving moments

14. Ratatouille: another nightmare

15. Cars: it's kind of sad that Lightening McQueen doesn't win... right?

16. A Bug's Life: Sad that it doesn't have more Heimlich

Image result for monsters university17. The Incredibles: Hardly sad at all.

18. The Incredibles 2: Even less sad.

19. Monsters University: Not sad even slightly. Downright freaking delightful.

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Monday, May 27, 2019

Aladdin

I was not expecting to completely love this movie. These live-action Disney remakes have been disappointing crap-fests. (Search your feelings. You know it to be true.) The Jungle Book was dark and stupid. The best parts of the original were the songs! Take that away and you've just got a big, Christopher Walken monkey. Nobody wants that. Hermione and the Beast was absolutely horrible. Emma Watson's voice made me want to burn my ears off, and she turned Belle into a snob. Belle wasn't a brainy snob. She was brainy, but her big brain didn't make her head bigger. Also, I think I'm the only person in the world who doesn't care for that Evermore song. Just give us, "If I Can't Love Her!" from the Broadway version. That song's amazing. Like sit in my room and not do anything but listen to that song amazing. Cinderella was okay, probably because it wasn't trying to be a sad carbon copy of the original. But it was still slow... and still sad. But you know what gave me chills, was exciting, and not a depressing suck-fest?


I'm not saying it's perfect. Beware of spoilers. (Yes. I know you've seen the original. But still.)

Here's what didn't work.

1. The ending didn't have a, "I'm a street rat, remember? I'll improvise." moment. Who cares? Well, I'll tell ya. He had to be who he was in order to win. When it mattered, being who he was was better than being a prince.


2. Adopt a voice trainer. I'm sorry. But flat notes have no place in Agrabah. Jasmine's voice sounded good during her new, modern, songs, but "A Whole New World" needed a whole new singer. But it's tough being compared to the great Lea Salonga! Meanwhile, during the musical numbers, Will Smith's energy would go on vacation. But this is me reeeeeeeeeally nit picking. No performance was as bad as Emma Watson's was. The best singer was the woman with one line, "Still I think he's rather tasty." Hello there, random citizen with a beautiful voice!
3. Let's talk about Jasmine's story line. It was new. It was unrealistic, except in a modern, or magical, setting. (Which it was, so we're good.) But did we lose our "I'm a street rat," moment because Jasmine was having her, "I won't be silent" moment? I think we could have had both. It stayed true to Jasmine's original character. They just took it a step... or 900 steps, further. But it might have been nice to see a change there. If the movie had started with her keeping silent, and being scared, THEN she embraced her voice at the end, that would have been more effective.

So what worked? I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED! I'm not even gonna number them. Let's go!
Okay. I'll number them. We'll keep score.

1. Will Smith's Genie. No. He's not Robin Williams. Of course he's not. No one is. But you know who he is? He's FREAKING WILL SMITH! He's the Fresh Prince of Ababwa! So shut up about it and get off his back. Come on, people. Seriously.

2. Aladdin. He was great! I loved that during One Jump Ahead you could tell he loved being the Robin Hood of Agrabah. It was wonderful to see this side of Aladdin that really enjoyed who he was, and what he was doing. 

3. The differences. The little things. The removal of the dungeon scene. The removal of Jasmine running away. Gone. Gone. Gone. Thank you!
4. Iago. 

5. The beginning. HOW SWEET WAS THAT!?! So cute! Of course, knowing everything, I knew what was going on. The kids behind me didn't. At the end of the film they were like, "Oh!" Silly youths.

6. I'm out of things to say now. But I want to add numbers because I said we'd keep score earlier and I really enjoyed this movie. It kept giving me chills! It was so much fun! 
7. I don't want to leave out Jafar or the Sultan. They were great. Carpet. Great. Abu. Really great. Is great a good word to use when eloquently critiquing a movie? Nobody cares! (Nobody being me.) 

8. Seriously. I'm done now. Just go see the movie. I'm sorry I didn't list anyone's names except Will Smith's. Check out IMDb. Don't make me do all the work.

9. But let's make this an even 10.

10. Go see it.