Kung Fu Panda II

I wish I knew the cast before going in, because the cast is the best part about these new animated movies. They hire billions of stars and stuff the cast full of A-listers because they can literally phone in their performances.

Anyway, here's the cast. Memorize it so you can amaze your 2 year olds when you take them to see it.

Po (the panda) - Jack Black (but that you know already)
Tigress (the tiger) - Angelina Jolie (you knew that too)
Shifu (the chinchilla??) - Dustin Hoffman
Shen (the evil peacock) - Gary Oldman (who is in everything, but should be in even more stuff!)
Monkey - Jackie Chan (who else could do Monkey's awesome stunts?)
Mantis - Seth Rogen (Green Hornet)
Viper - Lucy Liu
Crane - David Cross (TOBIAS!)
Soothesayer - Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
Master Croc - Jean Claude Van Damme
Master Ox - Dennis Haysbert (President Palmer![The Allstate guy.])

Yeah, I get way too excited about crap like this. However, the middle-aged men behind me in the theater were acting like this matinee was the midnight premier of Harry Potter. They knew all the character's names, (which they shouted, often.) And would cheer violently whenever something "awesome" happened. I began to wonder if these men had any children with them or if they were just hard-core Dreamworks fans. "Kung Fu Panda's coming out! I'm gonna round up my drinking buddies and go see the earliest showing available!"

Every time I see Viper, I think, "AHH! Snake!" then I think, "Oh yeah. She's part of their gang," then I think, "How can they stand running around with a snake all the time?" then the snake goes down the back of Po and I think, "Eeeeeeegk."

Oh, right, the movie. I guess I can talk about that. Um. It was okay. I kinda feel towards it about the same I feel towards the first one. They were both okay. I like them. I like them both.

3D

I was just informed that Disney is releasing The Lion King in 3D in movie theaters. (While I hear that The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D is awesome, I'm sick of 3D.) The last Harry Potter  (July 15) will be in 3D, and I will have to double check all movies for the rest of my life, and make sure I'm seeing the 2D version.

The first 3D craze of the 80's wasn't nearly so obnoxious and long-lived. I blame Avatar. Stupid, Avatar.

Luke's Sister

We all know that Episodes I, II and III are the worst things ever, and that the new-edition Episodes IV, V, and VI are abominations, but I recall days where we had enough to complain about without these new catastrophes.

In Return of the Jedi, audiences discover, as does Luke and Leia, that Luke and Leia are brother and sister! Gasp. Oh wait, it doesn't really matter. Is this Lucas's way of amazing his audience with family information, the way he did in The Empire Strikes Back? Of course. However, nothing could have been as startling and life-altering as the news that Darth Vader is Luke's father, short of discovering that the Emperor is Luke's mother, (the Emperor is, as we know, played by a woman, after all.)

Nice try, Lucas. But stop adding stupid elements that only confound the rest of the series. Now instead of "Oooh they kissed." We're shouting, "Ewe, they kissed!" And the series has an entirely different flare to it, one that is nasty!

(And while I'm at it, Lucas, stop calling me whenever you need a ride someplace!)

The Switch

Jennifer Anniston wants to have a kid, so she decides to implant and raise one on her lonesome. Jason Bateman is her friend. He accidentally becomes the father of her child, pretty much without either of them realizing it.

If you can get past the first half of the movie and the constant sex-talk, (not that you should be proud of yourself if you can,) then the movie levels out and you can sit back and laugh at the few funny parts.

It's not really worth a rental. But it's not horrible. I wouldn't even call it bad. I wouldn't even call it meh. I'd call it... okay, or something. But I'll probably never watch it again.

Do you know what's happening MARCH 23, 2012?

Noooo, it's not the end of the world. That's December 2012! Silly people! It's The Hunger Games!!! I cannot wait. I'm petrified though. It had better not suck!

Here's a link for all your Hunger Games inquiries. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1392170/

When do we get a preview?!

For those of you who are like, "What's the deal with this Hunger Games business?" There are three books you need to read. I'll give you a hint... no I won't. But here's a nice little enticement for ya -

Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence, right) is 15. She lives in District 12 in a dystopian society ruled by The Capitol. To remind the districts of their place, The Capitol holds a lottery each year in which a boy and girl under the age of 18 are chosen to compete for their life in... wait for it... The Hunger Games. Seriously, how have you not read these books yet?

Drillbit Taylor

Do I really need to explain the problems with this movie?

Half way through... the movie kind of goes, "Ummm, I forgot what I was doing here."

Generally I like Owen Wilson and Leslie Mann. Meh. Oh well.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Did you know the word "wimp" stems from the "wimple" worn by nuns or other women back in the day? That's right. To call someone "wimpy," is to say, "you wear a wimple." Or, "You are a woman." So, the term is essentially misogynistic. Just thought you might want to know. Anyway, you know and I know that most words now-a-days are completely relieved of all previous meanings.

Bigger anyway, you know how some kid movies are really fantastic movies? Well, Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a fantastic kid movie, and remains so in its genre. While retaining children's movies' predictability, the movie is stuffed with cuteness. The best friend, (bare with me it's been a while since I've seen it,) is ADORABLE. He's easily the best liked character in the entire movie. The rest of movie pales in enjoyability. I could watch that fat little kid all day. What I can do without, is the gross kid, (you know which one I'm talking about.) I thought the angry girl was hilarious. But that's easy. Angry people are always hilarious. (Except when they're Zooey Deschanel. Why is that girl always angry? Play a different emotion, Zooey! But hey, at least the angry emotion is more interesting than Kristen Stewart's nothing-emotion.)