The Host

So you've been wishing for another Stephenie Meyer book to be turned into a movie, huh? Well, I guess your wish is about to come true.

Wait. What's that you say? You haven't been wishing for a non-vampire Stephenie Meyer book to be made into a movie? You've read The Host and you found all the cave dwelling boring and thought the love triangle wasn't nearly as interesting as the one between a vampire, werewolf and human? Well, you should have said something to Hollywood, 'cause they think audiences WANT to see The Host turned into a movie.

IMDb.com claims the actress who will portray Melanie Stryder is non other than Saoirse Ronan, who you might recognize from Peter Jackson's snore-tacular acid trip, The Lovely Bones, (who actually looks more like she belongs in The Hunger Games. I mean, she looks like she's starving.)

For those who haven't read The Host, it's kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but from "the host's" point of view. It's an interesting take, but a very dry book. Perhaps we'll all be pleasantly surprised that the movie version of the snore-fest is actually well done and entertaining like we were for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I... but I somehow highly doubt it. I guess we'll wait and see.

The Wonder That is Ginny Weasley

Everyone's talking about Pottermore, so I'm going to talk about Ginny Weasley.

While reading the series I thought, "Wait, wait, wait, when did Ginny go from the shy girl who'd hide every time she saw Harry to this kick-hand Quidditch player, bat-boogey hexer, and popular boy-magnet/love of Harry's life?"

In the later books she seems to be Lilly Potter re-born. When does this happen? It's magic.

And another thing, why do the movies make Ginny look so plain? Bonnie Wright is not that plain.
I have proof. -->

Maybe it's her acting. Every time there's a love scene between her and Harry, I want to excuse myself just so I don't have to be SO UNCOMFORTABLE and AWKWARD!

Won't somebody please help us!? Anybody!? Oh the awkwardness!!!!

OK - Here's an edit. I agree with Jamie in the comments; the magazine cover is not that great of a photo to show you what I mean, because she's obviously very made-up. Here's another photo of her where she's not so made-up, and she's not so plain-Jane either.

Not convinced??? Here's some more.

So why are all of those pictures gorgeous, yet in the movie she's just awkward-sauce?

UPDATE: No. I'll have to make another post for this update. See this.

It's Time For My Favorite Movie Game!!!! **Applause**

Is it 6 Degrees to Kevin Bacon? No. Although that's a good one.

Is it Guess the Name of the Movie the Preview is for? Close.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's....


Who'd Play Bella Better? **Applause**

Tonight's contestants -

Contestant number one is an obnoxiously beautiful Brit who's both more charming and more talented (you have to give her that) than Kristen Stewart. I give you... Keira Knightly! Biggest draw backs - she's very well known. Perhaps they wanted Bella to be a little more unknown (and cheaper.) Also, she's 26, while Kristen Stewart is more "age appropriate." But since when did Hollywood start caring about that?

Contestant number two is a bright new extremely talented actress who brought Tron up from "dreadful" to "watchable." I give you... Olivia Wilde! Sure, she was born 6 years before Kristen Stewart, but are we really going to let that bother us? Really? During the casting of Twilight she was more affordable than Keira Knightly, and was probably even more affordable than Kristen Stewart.... Which is just sad. (Look for her in the up coming Cowboys and Aliens, along with Harrison Ford and our favorite Bond.)

So what does Kristen Stewart have going for her? Well, I'll give her one thing, she certainly has the "girl next door" look down. (Shut up, I mean that in a nice way!)

So here's the part where you give me more contestants and I put them up. Ready.... go.

How excited are we?

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1733598489/

Very.

Green Lantern

If your first thought is, "Why isn't Ryan Reynolds black?" then you're not alone. When The Green Lantern first hit comic book shelves in 1940, his secret identity was Alan Scott. In 1959 The Green Lantern was recreated and this time the alias was test pilot Hal Jordan (played by Ryan Reynolds in the film.) Other alias's wore the ring including, John Stewart, Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner. The film's Green Lantern isn't black probably because he's not John Stewart, (the Green Lantern of the recent animated TV show, The Justice League.) But just between you and me, I prefer a black Green Lantern and I'll tell you why, I watched a documentary about DC comic books, (mostly for the Batman bits,) which explained that The Justice League chose to choose a black Green Lantern due to the fact that the first Green Lantern was a bit racist, and this would help make up for that, or at least offer an apology. I also knew a guy once who was so proud to have a black superhero, and now they have kind of taken that away from him. At least there's still Storm, the movie version of Nick Fury, and Blade, and a few others.

Anyway, now we know why Ryan Reynolds is so gosh-darn white.

I was deranged throughout the first half of the movie trying to place the actor playing Sinestro. Then it clicked; that purple faced mustache man is Mark Strong, from Sherlock Holmes and Stardust! (Spoiler! If "Sinestro" sounds like a villain's name, not a good-guy's name, it's because later he becomes the Green Lantern's arch-nemsesis.

But this movie is just another awesome example of why 3D is destroying the world. The movie sported excellent costumes and ridiculous effects that were amazing enough. But while the film was fun, it gave us shadows of what should have been character development, while punching us in the face with talk about "will vs fear." It's enough to make one stand up and shout, "Enough already!" (Not that I did. But if I had a ring like that I'd have used it to make the Green Lanterns shut their core-holes.)

When all's said and done, it's a decent film, but not as nearly enjoyable as Thor. I'd put it in the box with The Hulk. Oh, don't go saying I'm racist against green superheroes, although... The Green Hornet doesn't even get a box.

So Bad It's Good?

You know the movies that suck so hard that they're awesome? I'm sure you do. Here's a few -

XXX
Perhaps the greatest anti-smoking movie since The Insider, XXX stars Vin Diessel, and Samuel L. Jackson. Vin Diessel's character, Xander Cage, could have been borrowed from Mortal Kombat, (one of the first awesomely terrible movies.) Xander Cage goes around saying awesomely stupid things like, "Welcome to the Xander Zone," and for this alone, we love this movie, but this movie is full of terrific terribleness.

The Transporter II (I strongly recommend this one over the other Transporters.)
One of my favorite wretched movies, this movie brings new meaning to the phrase, "sexism." Yet it's so obvious and ridiculous that it adds to the delightful dump that is this movie. Jason Statham plays... wait for it... the transporter, Frank, who drives like a crazy genius, and fights like Jackie Chan. (Ahh, the days before shakey cam.)

The Scorpion King
Prequel to The Mummy, this movie stars The Rock and follows the exact same story line as The Prince of Persia, (except The Scorpion King came first.)








Deep Blue Sea  (Click here for the - Best Part.)
This movie, starring Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, and Thomas Jane (Lindsay Fünke: "Can I buy you a drink?" Thomas Jane: "Thanks, but no. I'm Thomas Jane.") is ridiculous. Scientifically mutated "smart sharks" lay siege to their underwater facility, much to our enjoyment.

Mortal Kombat
Remember when Robin Shou was in everything? Remember when Bridgette Wilson was in everything? This movie is brilliant, from the one liners, to the impending doom... love it.







Anaconda II: Anacondas the Hunt for the Blood Orchid
This movie is Star Wars, but instead of droids and the Force, you get a lot of yelling and giant snakes.


I might add more later.

Tim Burton

An auteur is a director/producer/writer/etc who demonstrates a strong style in all his/her works. Examples of such being Alfred Hitchcock who always directed movies of suspense and mystery; M. Night Shyamalan demonstrates a variety of films with psychological twists and fantastical events, and Tim Burton always delivers movies that are dark and severely artistic.

Vincent (director/1982)

   An animated short narrated by Vincent Price about a boy who in today's world might be called "gothic." This short is a charming foreshadow of things to come. 

Frankenweenie (director/1984)
   Tells a tale of a frankenstine-ish dog. I don't remember much about it. I can tell you that in 2012 we can expect a longer version.

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (director/1985)
   In my first screen writing class I picked this movie apart scene by scene, sequence by sequence. It's a perfect model of what a movie needs and should be... and it's funny.

Beetlejuice (director/1988)
   With Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, and Winona Rider starring... I just don't care for it. (I've discovered I only like Michael Keaton in Much Ado About Nothing.)

Batman (director/1989)
   Starring Michael Keaton, Kim Basinger, and Jack Nicholson. Thankfully this movie stays away from the dreaded Robin, but it's all over the place.

Edward Scissorhands (director/producer/1990)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Vincent Price, Diane Wiest and Winona Rider. This film was a cult hit until Pirates of the Caribbean came out and suddenly liking Johnny Depp was popular. Now it's just a hit and people come out of the woodwork declaring, "I've always liked Edward Scissorhands." Yeah, okay. We true fans know who we are.

Batman Returns (director/producer/1992)

   Starring Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny DeVito and Christopher Walken. This movie is also all over the place, we hate Michael Keaton as Batman (it just doesn't make any sense!) yet Tim Butson's style is so much fun we can't help but love it, despite the Penguin. No offence Danny DeVito, but we hate the Penguin, (and not just in this movie.)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (producer/1993)
   What is there to say? This may be Danny Elfman's greatest achievement musically. The score is brilliant. This is one of those movies that you watch and think, "This is amazing. AMAZING!"

Batman Forever (producer/1995)

   Starring Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman and Chris O'Donnell (and Drew Barrymore.) Despite the appearance of the dreaded Robin, and the worst roll Tommy Lee Jones ever accepted, I enjoy this movie. Would I have liked it if they told the entire story of Two-Face like the animated series did? Yes, but we're pretty satisfied with the animated series version as it is. Out of this series (Batman through the dreaded Batman and Robin) this one is my favorite. In the 60's TV show the Riddler was my favorite villain, he was everything the Joker should have been. And Jim Carrey's Riddler was so much fun that they built a ride at Magic Mountain about it. (But between you and me, the ride is too long and makes me black out.) Is it a "good" movie, no. But it's a guilty pleasure of mine.

James and the Giant Peach (producer/1996)
   I was the mother in James and the Giant Peach in my fourth grade play, and I didn't think much of the play back then... and now I don't think much about it either. Danny Elfman's music wasn't up to pare either.

Mars Attacks! (producer/1996)
   I found this movie a little funny, and a lot dull.

Sleepy Hollow (director/1999)

   Starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire's Rita Skeeter,) and Christopher Walken as the Hessian Horseman (AKA, the Headless Horseman when he has his head on,) with Ray Park (Star Wars: The Phantom Menance's Darth Maul, GI Joe's Snake Eyes, and X-Men's Toad) as the Headless Horseman. This movie takes a lot of liberties from Washington Irvine's short story, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but we absolutely adore it anyway. (For a closer following of the short story see Disney.)

Planet of the Apes (director/2001)
   Starring Mark Wahlberg, Paul Giamatti, Michael Clark Duncan, and (our favorite actress/Tim Burton's wife) Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter's Bellatrix Lestrange, Fight Club's Marla Singer, Alice in Wonderland's Red Queen.) Everyone thought that Estella Warren (the human) was going to be huge after this... everyone was dead wrong.

Big Fish (director/2003)
   Starring Ewan McGregor. My aunt's brother-in-law, George the Giant, is also in this movie, (he's the tall one.) This movie was okay.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (director/2005)

   Apparently this is more like the book than Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory of 1971 starring Gene Wilder. However, the two simply cannot be compared. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's music was regrettably not Danny Elfman's best, and the lyrics were drowned due to the incomprehensible delivery of the oompa loompa. Johnny Depp's Willie Wonka was wonderful. I loved his flashbacks (featuring his dentist father, Christopher Lee.) Johnny Depp was vulnerable and completely childlike, making the character completely incomparable to Gene Wilder's snappish and wild Willie Wonka. (Each and are brilliantly done.)

Corpse Bride (producer/2005)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Emily Watson (Red Dragon.) The music is again lacking, and the story is a bit all over the place, but we enjoy it enough.

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (director/2007)
   Starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Regrettably I haven't seen this Broadway musical turn turned movie, but we can thank it for it's place in a tiny genre we like to call Horror Musical. (How many can you name? Hint, Tim Burton gives us two besides this one.)

9 (producer/2009)
   I saw this movie but I barely remember it... is that a good sign?

Alice in Wonderland (director/2010)
   Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, the boring Mia Wasikowska, the dreaded Anne Hathaway, Crispin Glover (Back to the Future's George McFly,) Michael Sheen (Twilight's Aro,) Alan Rickman (you should know who this is,) Timothy Spall (Harry Potter's Wormtail,) with an adorable performance by Matt Lucas who plays Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. The huge problem with this movie is the script. It takes beloved parts of the book/wonderful-Disney-version and wears them out. Some of my favorite quotes from the animated Disney version are now completely worn thin by the overuse of them in this movie. (But alas, I've already vented about this.)