Thievery!

Remember THIS BLOG. Well, TV Guide copied my idea!

Personally, I think my list far outweighs TV Guide's, because TV Guide seems to just list songs of well-liked shows. Many of those songs are horrible and boring.

I mean, who are you going to trust? Remember, before you answer, I don't get paid for my opinions, and I'm really nice, and I baked you a cake for your birthday, (you just didn't get it.)

I mean, SpongeBob SquarePants? That song sucks! (Nothing against the sponge of course.)

Hitchcock

With a stellar cast starring Anthony Hopkins and Helen Mirren, Hitchcock pleases audiences with a backstage look at Psycho and Hitchcock's relationship with wife, actres/writer Alma Reville.

The film is charming, not exactly humorous, but entertaining, interesting, and a joy. After the first scene I loved it.

King of Kong a Fist Full of Quarters

One of my fans, (okay, he's my brother,) requested that I review King of Kong: A Fist Full of Quarters, a documentary about a man's quest to be the Donkey Kong champion.

Steve Wiebe has a Donkey Kong Jr. arcade machine in his garage where he hones his barrel jumping skills. The documentary follows him as he strives for video game immortality, and sacrifices his time, family, and normalness.

As someone who is not a big documentary fan, I must say this one's one of my favorites given the daughter's sense of humor.

The Host

If you make a movie based off a boring book, you're likely to get a boring movie. That's sure what we got with The Host!

I know everyone in Hollywood is looking for "The next Twilight." But my guess is it's not gonna come from Stephenie Meyer, 'cause it certainly isn't The Host.

Melanie's body is taken over by a "pod person," as are most bodies. However, Melanie fights back and argues with her inhabiter. The inhabiter, Wanderer by name, feels for her and tries to help. Only, not many of Melanie's friends are ready to jump on board.

It's a nice premise and all, but we spend the entire movie in a cave, a boring, boring cave.

Okay, I'll be honest. I didn't finish the movie. I didn't see it in the theater, so it's not like I walked out or anything, but I didn't finish it, and I have no desire to.

TV's All Time Greatest Theme Songs

Rules for a great theme song:

1. Sets the tone for the show.
2. Rocks.

It's a bonus if the montage during the opening tells a story, and fits the theme as well. Which is why our number one greatest theme song goes to...

1. Angel (right)
The cello is beautiful. The tune is short. The melody says, "This is a show about a lonely man with a bad past saving people." And the montage starts with people who need help, and grows to Angel breaking in and saving the day! Then it ends with Angel walking away alone.
The show itself is a little dull, but the opening credits are a work of art.

The rest are in no particular order.

2. The Simpsons (left)
Written by Danny Elfman, (every Tim Burton and Sam Raimi movie, and "Oingo Boingo,") the tune screams, "This is a lighthearted show with crazy ups and downs," or something. In any case, the tune fits the show, and it rocks.

3. A-Team
You can't listen to this song and not want to go out and kick someone's butt.

4. Spider-man
for obvious reasons.

5. King of the Hill
The song makes me want to dance, and yet it has a kick of hick to it.

6. Jack of All Trades
Just try not to sing along!

7. Gargoyles (right)
This theme song is like unto Angel's, but it's long and has a voice over.

8. The Beverly Hillbillies
And now the song's stuck in your head.

9. Futurama (left)

10. Alfred Hitchcock Presents

11. Duck Tails

12. Tail Spin

13. Gummy Bears (my brother had a Disney Afternoon tape that we used to jump on the trampoline to when we were little.)

14. Batman the Animated Series (right)
Again written by Danny Elfman. This beautiful piece of music is also accompanied by opening credits that tell a story. The story is about two bank robbers who meet Batman and are thwarted. It's also a nice reminder that Batman takes down your average criminals as well as guys who fall in vats of acid.

15. Batman
You can't tell me that song doesn't make you want to shake it.

Now's the part where you tell me which theme songs you think deserve to be on Mr. List.

RIP Roger Ebert

I'm going to take this moment to comment on why we value critics. Why do you care what critics think? Which critics do you agree with, if any?

As for myself, my entire purpose in writing this blog is to be a bridge between common decent people, and movie-folk. (Movie-folk being the self-important, film majoring, Hollywood a$$#%&#s that vote on the Oscars and write Entertainment Weekly.) I was a film major, I've taken many film classes, (production and study,) and I know a lot about screenwriting. I also was a theater major, and know quite a bit about acting. I also know that a bad film that is enjoyable, is worth something. I know there's a difference between movies I like, and movies that are good. And I know you might agree with me sometimes, all the time, or never. But hopefully, no matter what you think of my critiques, you'll at least have a new viewpoint on a movie you've seen, or a movie you will see. Sometimes I hope I deter you from seeing certain movies all together! (If you haven't seen Batman and Robin, just don't see it!)

So, why do you value critics? Or do you?

Burt Wonderstone

This movie has four of some of my favorite things: Steve Carell, Jim Carrey, Olivia Wilde, and magicians.

Naturally I don't really like magicians, but I love TV and movie magicians like GOB and The Great Danton. This movie is great. I laughed a few times.

Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi have been friends since forever, and now they've got their own act in Vegas. But they've lost that special something. Olivia Wilde, (Tron, Cowboys and Aliens,) shows up and at first is like, "I don't want to be a part of your act; I have stage fright!" But later is like, "Make me your partner! I'm an awesome magician!" And it doesn't make any sense but she's still one of the greatest actresses in Hollywood so we're over it.

Steve and Steve try a new act but Carell blows it and ends his friend, Steve, in the hospital. So Carell goes off and tries to live a mediocre life. But struggles. Meanwhile Jim Carrey is this crazy new magician who does things like pulls the card you picked out of his cheek, (think PG13 Tony Wonder.) Finally the Steves and Jim have to face off for the ultimate gig in Vegas and you'll never guess who wins!

It's a little sexy at times, and Jim Carrey does some disturbing magic tricks, but overall it's relatively clean for a PG13. It's one of the movies that I'm glad I saw this year. Predictable? Sure. But entertaining. And I can't say that about a lot of movies.

GI Joe: Retaliation (GI Joe 2)

It was better than the first one, but that's not hard to do.

This movie reads as if it were some boring action movie that they took and then changed all the characters' names to those of GI Joe characters. There was nothing GI Joe-esk about it except Zartan was pretending to be someone else, and once Lady Jaye goes under cover for about three seconds.

You know what I want from a GI Joe movie? I want a little bit of comedy, a little bit of under cover work, a little bit of a polly wanting a cracker, and a lot of Cobra-crazy plans. I want Dreadknoks! I want people pissed at Destro! But ALL I'M GETTING are neat special effects, but thank you for giving us The Rock and Bruce Willis this time... and, okay, thank you for Snake Eyes.
.

And stop killing off everybody!