Saturday, March 30, 2013

Oz The Great and Powerful

I liked the overall style of the movie. That made the movie different and any movie with a different style is good.

I realize the irony in this statement, but Mila Kunis makes a great little nice witch, but (SPOILER) her bad witch sucks. And I know that in Black Swan her character was the one that was supposed to be a great Black Swan that would totally outdo Portman's Black Swan, but I'm sorry, she's a terrible evil witch. And you know what we say, kids? If you've got a sucky villain, it doesn't help rid the movie of suck!

However, the rest of the cast was delightful. And you must watch for Ted Raimi (who I met! by the way!) and Bruce Campbell who are sure to appear in every Sam Raimi movie!

Another however, I'm sorry. Maybe it was the 101.5 degree fever, but at times I nearly dozed off. Yep. I wanted to super like it, and maybe that was the problem. Okay, maybe it wasn't the problem. Maybe the problem was a lack luster plot, boring characters, no comedy to speak of - no wait. I remember I laughed once, but I forgot why.

Incoming rundown! Spoiler City!

Oz snuggles up to the wrong circus freak and has to ship out. He takes off in his hot air balloon and runs BAM right into Mr. Tornado. Then, well, you'll never guess what happens next. He ends up in Oz. Ah! Then he meets Mila Kunis who is all, "Oh you've arrived! You're the chosen one from the prophesy!"

And he's all, "You're nice and stuff. Smoochy- smoochy." And they smooch and she's all, "Oh, will you make me your queen when you're king?" (She moves super fast. Or maybe Oz girls are easy.)

Then YEARS later they reach the Emerald City and Rachel Weisz is there. She's obviously evil and well, eventually gets Mila to realize Oz is totally not going to marry her. This really pisses her off. Rachel also tells Oz he can't be king until he retrieves the "evil" witch's wand. But this "evil" witch is actually the good witch Glinda. (She says she's the witch of the
South, but Billie Burk said she was the witch of the North! Rest assured ole Boon got to the bottom of this! In the book, Glinda's the witch of the South. They changed it for the movie "The Wizard of Oz," just as they changed the shoes color from silver to ruby.)

So he runs into Glinda and they start a war against the evil witch...es. The battle is my favorite part.

So, I say watch it, but go ahead and wait for video.


Monday, March 25, 2013

Jim Carrey

Ever since I first saw Ace Ventura I've been a huge Jim Carrey fan. His hyper-acting is different than anything we have seen before, and while it's not for everyone, it's certainly for me. So, here's a highlight of Jim Carrey movies.

In 1985 he starred in a vampire movie called Once Bitten. I saw this movie at least ten years after it came out, and it's been at least ten years since, so... I don't really remember it. I remember thinking it was a little crude at times.

1986 brought Peggy Sue Got Married. I've only seen parts of this movie, and Jim Carrey's part is small. So, let's skip this one.

In 1994 he finally made his mark with Ace Ventura. The world came to know him as this wacky guy who talked with his butt and said lines we're all deathly tired of now. Up until I saw the beginning of this movie, I had never laughed so hard during a movie. This movie is a marvelous example of comedic cinema. If I were to teach a class on how to write a comedy, I'd show this movie. It's a great example of its genre. Each movie should show you what genre it is during the first scene. If you're watching a comedy and not laughing within five minutes, leave the theater.

Later the same year he made The Mask. If you must know, this movie is horrible, although it's widely appreciated and brought us Cameron Diaz.

Still later that year we got Dumb and Dumber, which taught us that stupid people are hilarious. This movie is somewhat Inspector Gadget, (their blunders are often fortuitous,) but that's okay.

1995 brought Batman Forever and while this is Tommy Lee Jones's worst work ever, I do like Jim Carrey's Riddler. I mean, Magic Mountain made a ride because of it. I know, we all hate those Batmans, but this one is my favorite out of the 4... probably because of Jim Carrey.

Then later that year we get Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. I almost like this sequel more than the first one. Not all comedy sequels work because we're usually tired by the one liners, "Not," but this one works because they brought in enough new jokes and added elements to his character that made him alive. (He doesn't love all animals. He's not completely predictable.)

1996 brought The Cable Guy. I couldn't sit through this movie. I'm sorry. I know people like it.

1997 introduced Liar Liar and for the first time in a long time we get a more normal, realistic version of Jim Carrey. Instead of being an outrageous character in a normal circumstance,  he's a normal character in an outrageous circumstance. It's a different type of movie; it's more serious. And I like it.

1998 brought The Truman Show which is more drama than comedy, but cute and slightly fun.

'99 brought Man on the Moon and I found his performance as Andy Kaufman Oscar-worthy.

In 2000 we got Me, Myself and Irene. I don't remember it very well.

I never saw 2000's How the Grinch Stole Christmas, or '04's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or '07's The Number 23, or '08's Horton Hears a Who, or '09's I Love You Phillip Morris, or anything after Yes Man, FYI.

But in '01 I did make the mistake of seeing The Majestic. It wasn't a comedy, and I do not have to like it.

However in '03 our faith in Jim Carrey was rewarded and we got Bruce Almighty. Again, it was a movie where he was a normal guy in a crazy situation. This one is one of my favorites.

2004 brought Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I was bored.

We got Fun with Dick and Jane in 2005. It was somewhat entertaining, but he was not a crazy character, and he was not in a "crazy" situation. The funniest part was his Spanish-speaking kid screaming about his "telemundo."

In 2008 we got Yes Man and again we had a movie with Jim Carrey as a normal guy who is put into a crazy situation, however it's not that crazy, and he's not that insane, and in fact, he hooks up with a woman who is far too young for him and it's disgusting, although entertaining. Not his best work, but not his worst.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

2012 Two Word Reviews

The Hunger Games
Violently delightful

Mirror Mirror
Nearly enjoyable

The Avengers
Good blockbuster

Dark Shadows
Quasi-entertaining dribble

What to Expect When You're Expecting
Okie dokie

Men in Black III
Beats 2

Moonrise Kingdom
snore fest

Snow White and the Huntsman
Sloppy sauce

Brave
aww cute

The Amazing Spider-Man
Repeat movie!

The Dark Knight Rises
Beautiful (I'm only using one word for this one. I'm saving the other word to use to describe "Taken II.")

Total Recall
Poor repeat

2016
Hmmm interesting

The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Fabulous. Fantastic.


Hotel Transylvania
OMG Snore!

Taken II
Take me home

Wreck it Ralph
Not worthwhile

Skyfall
Yes please!

Lincoln
Surprisingly upbeat

Breaking Dawn Part II
Super fun

The Hobbit
Delightful. Beautiful.

Jack Reacher
No please

Les Miserables
Beautiful. Depressing!

The Boon Awards 2012

Who the heck cares about the Oscars when there are The Boon Awards?!

Best re-released movie:

Nominees:
Beauty and the Beast

Raiders of the Lost Arc
Finding Nemo
Monsters Inc.


Winner:
Beauty and the Beast

Best Vampire Movie:

Nominees:
Dark Shadows
Hotel Transylvania
Breaking Dawn II

Winner:
Breaking Dawn II

Best Super-Hero Movie:

Nominees:
The Avengers
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Dark Knight Rises

Winner:
The Dark Knight Rises

The Best Snow-White Movie:

Nominees:
Snow White and the Huntsman
Mirror Mirror

Winner: Snow White and the Huntsman (although this movie isn't necessarily the best, Jer.)

Best Book a Movie Was Based on:

Nominees:
The Hobbit
Breaking Dawn 
The Hunger Games
What to Expect When You're Expecting
Les Miserables

Winner:
Les Miserables

Best Actress:

Nominees:
Sally Field in Lincoln
Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games
Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises
Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables
Helena Bonham Carter in Les Miserables

Winner:
Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables (I know! I'm as surprised as you are!)

Best Actor:


Nominees:
Christian Bale in The Dark Knight Rises
Robert Downy Jr. in The Avengers
Mark Ruffalo in The Avengers
Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln
Daniel Craig in Skyfall
Billy Burke in Breaking Dawn II
Stanley Tucci in The Hunger Games

Winner:
I don't care.

Best Movie:

The Dark Knight Rises


Contending Movies (AKA: Movies I've seen this year):
Beauty and the Beast (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie")
Titanic (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie" - if it were nominated!)
Raiders of the Lost Arc (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie")
Finding Nemo (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie")
ET (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie" - except I haven't seen it.)
Monsters Inc. (only available to win "Best Re-released Movie")
The Hunger Games
Mirror Mirror
The Avengers
Dark Shadows
What to Expect When You're Expecting
Men in Black III
Moonrise Kingdom
Snow White and the Huntsman
Brave
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Dark Knight Rises
Total Recall
2016
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Hotel Transylvania
Taken II
Wreck it Ralph
Skyfall
Lincoln
Breaking Dawn Part II
The Hobbit
Jack Reacher
Les Miserables

Why Cruella De Vil Sucks

There was some question as to why I posted in my last blog that I did not like Cruella De Vil. I have ample reason, and I would like to share these reasons with you, my friends.

REASONS WHY WE HATE CRUELLE DE VIL

1. Her name is cheesy.

2. Her arch nemeses are a bunch of puppies. Ooooh, terrifying!

3. She's motivated by vanity, and not even a Ratcliffe kind of vanity that would further her career or position in life, just a teenage kind of vanity where she wants to look good. This makes her motives lamer than just about every other Disney villain.

4. When you come down to it, she's really not even THAT evil. Lots of people kill animals for their coats and skins. She's just evil because the animals she wants to kill are adorable. If the movie was 101 Cows, everyone would be on her side.

5. She smokes and smoking is the worst! The worst, Jer!

6. Her name is cheesy.